A demonic possession, a Deep Throat, a kidnapping, and DC’s version of “The Bachelor” — “Scandal” is back! Now we recap.
When last we saw Vice President Sally Langston (Kate Burton), she’d decided not to run against President Fitzgerald Grant (Tony Goldwyn) after all, on account of needing to grieve for her dead husband, on account of having killed him herself, on account of his being gay. But now she’s changed her mind, and is so concerned about Fitz’s moral corruption, that also she refuses to resign during the campaign.
She’s not concerned about her own moral corruption, however, because she believes she did not actually kill her husband; rather, the devil did, by entering her. No word yet on whether or not the devil has an alibi. But if it is true, we all know that the devil goes after the good guys, so the gay community should consider this a sound endorsement.
Fitz chooses this Nichols guy — his former Lieutenant Governor and the current Governor of California — to be his new running mate, because he values loyalty. His inner circle says this is a bad idea, though, because Nichols is a straight white man. Then again, presumably that means the devil won’t murder him through Sally Langston.
Will you accept this rose?
The first time we see Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington), she’s with Fitz, and — yes! — they’re making out. She’s his campaign manager now, so hopefully there will be lots of secret-sexy-president time to…oh no: Sally’s dumb campaign manager, Leo, told the press that Liv and Fitz really are having an affair.
To fix the problem, First Lady Mellie Grant (Bellamy Young) takes Liv to lunch, where they smile through gritted teeth for the teeming photographers and reporters, pretending to be Carrie and Samantha on “Sex and the City,” instead of bitter sexual rivals on ABC. Then Mellie hands Liv a menu, inside of which is a different menu: a list of DC bachelors from which Liv can pick. Liv is so taken aback by Mellie’s shrewd plan, that she forgets Samantha would’ve said, “Ooo, I’ll have one of each!”
Anyway, she’s angry with Fitz for installing Captain Jake Ballard (Scott Foley) as Command of secret-CIA-assassin outfit B613, because that job makes people evil, as it did her father. She confronts Fitz about it in his office and he says he had to install someone loyal to him as a protection. Then she says she should resign, because of their love, and she starts to do that breathe-cry thing. So he kisses her hard, saying, “I do not accept your resignation,” which is the hottest open-and-shut sexual-harassment case I’ve ever seen.
But a few moments later, in a moment of frustration, he reveals that the reason he wants her to stay is because he needs to win. Ouch. Call your lawyer, Liv. Or, instead, get DC bachelor Jake Ballard to start dating you, and be photographed kissing him on the Hill. We kind of hope it’s more than just for show.
A random reporter starts receiving anonymous text tips from a source — calling him or herself Publius — about how Sally’s dead husband never had an autopsy. Liv sends Abby and Huck to ask the coroner some questions. Thecoroner plays dumb, but, of course, Huck hands her a file of incriminating dirt he dug up on her, so she talks: saying that, based on the trauma, it was clearly cardiac arrest.
This doesn’t make any sense, except, then Charlie and Quinn come out of the closet with her son, whom they’d kidnapped on orders from Cyrus Beene (Jeff Perry). This still doesn’t make much sense, except, I’ve been watching “Scandal” long enough not to care. Also, evil-genius Cyrus’s husband, James, is Publius, so I guess he might get whacked. Presumably, the devil will do it.
Also, Fitz is about to have much more to worry about than his nasty morning-whiskey habit: Daddy Pope has vowed revenge. He’s mad about being deposed from his job as Command of B613, and mostly he’s mad about Fitz discussing how his daughter tastes (we’re still upset about it too). He tells Liv that he knows all of Fitz’s secrets and that the White House is going to burn, so she should, “Run. Run Olivia. Because mark my words, Fitzgerald Grant is not going to make it to the end of his term…start grieving now.” At the end of the episode, we see him meeting in darkness with Sally’s dumb campaign manager, Leo, probably about how his daughter tastes.
What else? This Adnan Salif character Harrison’s been so afraid of turns out to be a hot lady, and he did not look scared while they had sex on a desk. Also, the reason Nichols — Fitz’s new running mate — never married is because he’s in love with Mellie. And, actually, now that I think of it, frequently those who gaybash are closeted homosexuals themselves, so I guess we also figured out why the devil hates himself so much.
Episode grade: B+
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