All this swiping and searching can sometimes leave you feeling confused about your love life. You’re going on dates, but they’re all a bust, and you’re not sure where things are going wrong. A lot of singles find themselves feeling lost in the chaos — my clients often ask, “How can I find better matches online?”
The truth: your behaviors on a dating app or site will reflect your results. If you’re haphazardly swiping while you’re bored, you’re probably not going to get matches that excite you.
Here’s how to get more meaningful matches:
You can swipe too much. The average Tinder user spends 90 minutes a day reviewing matches. Yet a group of psychologists at Northwestern University did a study on online dating and found that the longer you search, the more judgmental you become. Let’s be real — when you’re judgmental, you’re not being open to the possibility of meeting someone great. At eFlirt, we find that keeping your search sessions short is a flirt-changer and recommend searching for no longer than 20 to 30 minutes each day.
Faster isn’t better. Once you’ve cut down your search time, the next thing you want to do is slow down your swipe time. You’re probably wondering, “How am I going to meet someone if I’m getting fewer mutual matches?” But here’s the catch: swiping fast means you’re focused on quantity, while going slow will generate the quality you’re seeking. Targeting worthwhile matches means you’ll end up on dates with more meaningful people.
If you think “maybe,” say yes. I watch people fall in love every day. Something interesting: nearly all of my former clients who are now in relationships fell for a “maybe.” It wasn’t the person with the best profile — in fact, usually their response to their future significant other’s profile was something like, “I don’t know about him. Are you sure?” I explain this phenomenon more in depth in my TEDx talk, but here’s the bottom line: If you see a match and aren’t sure about them, swipe right. Until you meet in person, you truly won’t know who will be awesome … and who won’t be.
Laurie Davis is the founder ofeFlirt, an online dating concierge service, and the best-selling author of “Love @ First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating.”