Communication also important, women say
Couples should talk about sexual issues they’re having when they’re both calm — and out of the bedroom, experts say.
Candles, mood music and silk sheets are all welcome, but when it comes to sex, what women really want is more spontaneity.
That’s not to say it’s time to pull out the Book Of Kama Sutra and start practising some of the positions in the middle of the grocery store or laundromat, but a recent survey found 60 per cent of Canadian females believe more communication in the bedroom and spontaneity could improve their sex lives.
“There is so much else that is planned in our lives that we like a little spontaneity (when it comes to sex), but that doesn’t mean you can’t plan moments where you can be spontaneous,” says Dr. Laurie Betito, a psychologist and sex therapist. “You need to plan time together. You need to plan moments together.”
The survey, Sex And The Modern Woman, which polled 15,000 women worldwide including 1,000 Canadians, found that women everywhere like to talk — hold the looks of mock surprise, please. Being the chattier sex, women like to talk about sexuality and any problems that may exist between the sheets — including such issues as erectile dysfunction. But there is a time to bring up any sexual problems and it’s not in the bedroom.
“Do it when you are in front of a fireplace or having dinner together. Create those moments when conversation is possible,” says Betito. “You should talk about any sexual issues you’re having when you’re both calm, when you’re just focused on each other and when you haven’t just had a negative experience. That way nobody feels like it’s a measure of how they did.”
But women aren’t just interested in talking about sex — one third of Canadian women surveyed believe being sexually active is an important part of their lives.
“We often assume women are not so interested in sex,” says Betito. “Look at all the jokes in society about once you give women wedding cake, there’s no more sex. But that’s not true. Women are very interested in sex.”
The trick, it seems, is making sure there is enough oral stimulation — and by that I mean communication — to keep the physical moments thriving.
