We love Charlie Sheen here. No bones about it: Everything that comes out of the tiger-blooded warlock’s mouth lately is wonderful.
Nobody’s made us laugh this hard since Tobias Funke — fitting, since Sheen could use time with a combination therapist/analyst.
But we love sports, too. And we’ve heard our share of craziness and megalomania from guys who made millions on the field, rather than on bad sitcoms.
Can you tell the difference? It’s harder than you think.
1 “The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can’t say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.”
2 “Now you got your cleanup hitter, and it’s late August, and I’m sitting on 64 bombs at .420 and 170 driven in, and we’re not even in the playoffs yet. And the team bus is driving away, there’s a tarp over the infield; I got no team to play for.”
3 “Now I know that I’m supposed to lead by example and all that, but I’m not shoving that aside like it don’t mean anything.”
4 “Yes sir, Mr. Ducksworth. Thank you very much, Mr. Ducksworth. Quack, quack, quack, Mr. Ducksworth.”
5 “I’m underpaid right now. If you look at the money they’re making, yeah, it’s ridiculous.”
6 “The Nike slogan doesn’t say ‘Just try it.’ … Just do it, man.”
7 “I see myself … as an entertainer and an icon.”
8 “I’m bi-winning. I win here and I?win there. Now what?”
9 “I have one speed. I have one gear:?Go.”
ANSWER KEY
1. Athlete … That’s just Carl Everett being Carl Everett.
2. Sheen … In addition to being a rock star from Mars, he’s a Hall of Famer.
3. Athlete … Allen Iverson, in his “practice” rant.
4. “Athlete” … We’re counting brother Emilio Estevez in “The Mighty Ducks.”
5. Sheen … Whining about money, just like every pro athlete, ever.
6. Sheen … Big points for reading comprehension.
7. Athlete … Cam Newton is taking a pay cut to go to the NFL. He’ll need to make it up somehow.
8. Sheen … If you’re not bipolar, you have to be something.
9. Sheen … Love this guy.
