We figured out why you love March so much. It’s not the basketball, it’s the brackets. We’ve come up with the ultimate sports and pop culture tournament. Sure, it’s a bit random, but it’s also a bit awesome. Here’s a breakdown of some key matchups:
Bully vs. badger
If you’re not familiar with the honey badger, check out the video. It is the baddest small animal on the planet. A cross between a weasel, skunk and rat, it appears indestructible. However, it just doesn’t top the viral video of Casey Heynes, a 16-year-old Australian kid who was tired of being picked on at school. The heavyweight hero body slams the fool bullying him.
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Nantz vs. Johnson
Jim Nantz has called the Final Four since 1996. He’s a very good announcer, though sports fans often fault him for being too canned, boring and schmaltzy. The opposite is true of Gus Johnson, whose last-minute calls are the stuff of legends. Buckets! Why can’t Gus call the Final Four?
Here’s Kate Upton’s tourney run:
3 vs. 14: Never thought we’d brush aside Brooklyn Decker.
3 vs. 6: Charlie Sheen wishes he could grab a goddess like Upton.
3 vs. 12: Fun fact: She was born in 1992 — less than three months after “The Shot” by Christian Laettner.
8 vs. 12: Can you believe Laettner spent 13 years in the NBA? That’s shocking. But not as shocking as the bully video!
3 vs. 15: Just imagine Gus’ call while flipping through the SI Swimsuit edition. “Rise and fire!”
8 vs. 3: In an upset along the lines of Daniel LaRusso taking down Johnny Lawrence, the chubby kid squeaks out a victory over the 2012 SI Swimsuit cover girl.
—Jason Raj McIntyre covers athletes off the field and runs the popular
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