Kim Kardashian doesn't like a messy closet. Kourtney gets an oil enema. Scott Disick hates organic food. Kris Humphries is not a fan of naked yoga. Mason remains the only normal Kardashian, mostly because his vocabulary hasn't developed yet.
A whole lot happened during last night's premiere of "Kourtney & Kim Take New York" on E!. As the nation sat in anticipation of blood in the water leading up to the divorce heard 'round the world, we got an inside look at a fame-loving family that continues to get weirder and weirder.
The episode begins with a recap of media coverage following the announcement of Kim and Kris' divorce. In the next scene, though, the newlyweds return from their blissful Italian honeymoon and begin packing for their big move to NYC. The first indicator that things might go south for the couple is when they move in with Kourtney, Scott and their toddler son Mason -- a real love nest.
Kourtney and Scott, who have been dating for about four or five years (Kourtney isn't sure exactly how long), sleep in separate bedrooms. Meanwhile, upstairs Kris and Kim bicker about closet space. Kourtney gets on a holistic kick and tries to feed the entire apartment kale chips. Things get weird.
The whole gang attends a "Welcome to NYC" bash and Kris Humphries wants to leave early. He does, after all, have to work out in the morning. Kim, never one to miss out on a minute of face time, convinces him to stay a little longer. Unsurprisingly, Scott drinks too much and Kourtney heads home by herself. The feuding couple puts a strain on Kris and Kim's relationship, which is already under pressure due to Kris' messy ways -- the nerve!
Meanwhile, Kim and Kourtney decide they need a break from all the stress of city life and spend a day at the spa. Kourtney, on national television, gets an oil enema. It's grotesque. It's outrageous. Yet we cannot tear our eyes away from the screen. Even worse, Kourtney leaks oil in various spots in the apartment, including Kim and Kris' marital bed. And we thought we had seen it all....
The climax of the episode comes as Kris walks in on Kim and Kourtney's yoga session, taught by a naked male instructor. Kris retreats to a cliche corner bar to engage in a cliche venting session with his cliche male pal. When he returns to the apartment, he tells Kim he must retreat to Minnesota where he can concentrate on training.
The season surely started out with a bang and we can't wait to see what happens next week. Though we have a suspicion that no blow-out fight between Kim and Kris will ever be as interesting to us than Kourtney's oil enema.