Bored yet with realignment in college athletics? It was palatable a bit in August when nothing was happening in the sports world. But now, with faux news developing seemingly every day, it has gotten incredibly tiresome.

Oklahoma wants out of the crumbling Big 12, but it has demands. Texas is flirting with the ACC, but the Big Ten really wants the Longhorns, and yes, the Pac-12 probably makes the most sense.

That is, unless Texas goes independent, like Notre Dame, which is also supposedly playing footsie with the Big Ten (again) and the ACC. Texas A&M left for the SEC, and now Missouri might go.

The key to it all? Football and money. Nothing else matters.

If you wish you had a handy guide to the madness, look no further. We present to you a celebrity version of college football realignment:

 

West Virginia (Cameron Diaz): The Mountaineers are a party school best known for burning couches in public. Desperate to leave the sinking ship that is the Big East, WVU reportedly applied for membership to the ACC and SEC. And was denied.

Texas (Mila Kunis): It has a rich football history, but the school has significantly blown up in recent years thanks to Colt McCoy guiding the Texas to the title game and the creation of the Longhorn Network. Everyone wants Texas. The Big Ten, the ACC and the Pac 12 are all in play, but a move would mean it’d have to give up the lucrative Longhorn Network. So does Texas try to keep the crumbling Big 12 together, or go independent?

Missouri (Kendra Wilkinson): There’s not much to love about Missouri football, but it has two things going for it: the Kansas City and St. Louis TV markets. That’s the only reason the SEC is interested in Missouri.

Rutgers (Anna Kournikova): Another school trying to leave the Big East. Rutgers — which has an inflated sense of self worth; no surprise; they are located in New Jersey — would be attractive if anyone in New York (No. 1 TV market) cared about the Scarlet Knights, but that’s not the case.

Oklahoma (Megan Fox): The Sooners, with their rich football history, are coveted by the Pac-12. The Sooners are title contenders almost every year, but Oklahoma is not without flaws — it must bring along little brother Oklahoma State.

– Jason Raj McIntyre covers athletes off the field and runs the popular blog, The Big Lead.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages. Opposing viewpoints are welcome. Send submissions to letters@metro.us.

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