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Playing the Field: NBA draft day WAGS ready for their close-ups

We analyze the best new talent coming to a basketball court near you.

Feeling a draft?

Yep, we just used that tired cliché to introduce our NBA draft day edition of Playing the Field. We could take a fine-tooth comb and analyze which prospect has the best jumper or which player has the highest basketball IQ, but we know you don’t care.

So we’ll cut to the chase and present the hottest WAGS about to make their pitches for the next season of “Basketball Wives.” But, to keep it sports-related, we are going to grade them on certain, invaluable skill sets. Away we go:

Elle Bielfeldt




She is the girlfriend of Illinois stud Meyers Leonard, who is one of the few true centers in this draft. Leonard is projected to go between No. 10-15. From what we can gather on the internet machine, his girlfriend, Elle, is a cute brunette co-ed with 1,962 Facebook friends.

IQ: A. She reportedly graduated top-25 in her high school class.

Athleticism: A. Racked over 1,000 points during her high school hoops career.

Overall sex appeal: A+. Read above and then Google image her.




Kytra Hunter




Arm candy to Florida’s Bradley Beal, who is projected to go in the top-5 in most mock drafts. The silky smooth two-guard has drawn comparisons to Ray Allen. His girlfriend is drawing them to Dominique Dawes after being named the nation’s top gymnast.

IQ: B. We can’t find her test scores, but she did get a full scholarship to Florida.

Athleticism: A+. Umm, she’s a gymnast. Ask Jerry Seinfeld about that.

Overall sex appeal: A. Did we mention she’s only 5-foot?

Brittany Hotard




here are conflicting reports as to whether she is still dating Duke’s Austin Rivers. However, Rivers and the buxom blonde were high school sweethearts. Keep an eye on the seating arrangements tonight.

IQ: B. No transcripts, but she’s dating a lottery pick and the son of an NBA coach. Pretty smart.

Athleticism: A. Ever seen the movie Bring It On? Hotard was a cheerleader at her community college.

Overall sex appeal: B. Sorry, we’re not big into blondes.




The Unibrow




We couldn’t find any concrete evidence that the No. 1 overall pick is dating anyone, other than that snippet. But Davis did trademark his signature eyebrows. So, with that in mind …

IQ: A. Those eyebrows are smarter than yours. Trust us.

Athleticism: C. We would like to grade higher, but we’ve never seen them wiggle. Not even a twitch.

Overall sex appeal: F. They are fantastic. They are imposing. They just aren’t very attractive, according to the females we polled.

Europeans are racist

We hate polluting our sports section with soccer, but those Europeans are crazy. They really do make our American tabloid-style newspapers look like Disney movies. Anyway, two very controversial (and politically-incorrect) front pages made headlines recently in the wake of Italy and Germany’s EuroCup 2012 match.

The first comes from Italy itself after the Azzuri beat England. It depicts one of their star players, Mario Balotelli, drawn cartoon-style as King Kong climbing Big Ben. It’s very clever, except for the fact that Balotelli happens to be a black man.

Not to be outdone by racism and stereotypes, Germany offered a front page showing the mugs of Italian soccer stars embedded as pepperoni slices on a pizza. The headline, according to Deadspin, translates to “End of the Line for Pizza.”

Guess they are still holding a grudge after the Italians bailed on them in World War II.

 
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