“I love me some me!” – the great T.O.

Never have those words been more appropriate.

There was once a time in this country where it was accepted by all that the biggest ego-maniac around was Terrell Owens.

But T.O.’s story is so 2005. His reality show’s ratings are lower than last night’s FoxSportsNet Florida-Arkansas softball 3 a.m. replay. In fact, we’re not even sure if the show still exists at all (it was so bad that no one even made the effort to write it was cancelled apparently).

That’s why it was sad today to learn that much of T.O.’s time these days is spent allegedly Skype spanking.

Now, I will give T.O. credit for this and only this: it’s original. It’s really hard to think of any former athlete straight up skipping the whole sex tape thing (ya know, with another woman) and going straight to a solo act.

It also could be that with Owens having some “ultimate me time” on camera, he is just giving younger athletes pointers on when and where to complete the deed. It has long been rumored that athletes should not commit these acts on themselves before an athletic event because it makes your legs weak. Instead you should wait until the event ends or, even better, your entire career ends. Then? Have at it hoss.

Strange hardball happenings

Ah yes, the long-standing tradition at Yankee Stadium of players jumping into the stands, dropping the ball, having a fan put the ball back in the glove and then the umpire looking around like a preoccupied WWE official.

It worked in 2004 when Derek Jeter jumped into the stands and it still works today. At least DeWayne Wise, however, gave us the courtesy of not utilizing the blood capsules in his pockets like Jeter did.

And further proving that baseball is a bizarre game, the Reds Aroldis Chapman gave us two forward somersaults in celebration of closing out the game Tuesday night. In baseball’s unwritten rule book (which is going on 657,876 pages now), it’s fine for a relief pitcher to do somersaults and give crotch chops in celebration, but when a batter who hits a home run so much as glances at the pitcher, it’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s long been said that teaching non-sports viewing women the rules of football is the most frustrating thing a sports fan can do. Well, here’s a close runner-up: try teaching them two or three of baseball’s unwritten rules sometime … oh, and be sure to bring the whiskey.