I'm guest-writing today's recap as Meredith is on vacation so apologies in advance if it's not up to par with her excellent analyses of Emily and Co. It may seem like I'm jumping around a lot but so much happened in this episode my head's about to explode.
The episode kicks off with a memory: Young Emily is in the car with her mom, all happy while singing along to a song. This was a dream grown-up Emily was having as Nolan wakes her up. They chat (may I add on the personal note that Emily and Nolan are the best roommates ever!) and Emily confesses that she's skeptical Victoria is actually working with the government to build a case against Conrad. I assume many viewers agree with Emily.
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Emily calls Daniel to tell him that she did her research on Charlotte's doctor and found out that Conrad was behind the fixed drug results. Daniel, though hard to tell from his cold, expressionless face, seems happy to hear from Emily.
Next we see Takeda's sidekick from the previous episode spying on Emily. Is it really that easy to spy on people in the Hamptons with no one noticing? I have my doubts.
Finally, Victoria makes her appearance in the episode. The White-Haired Man pays her a visit and hands over two fake passports for Victoria and Charlotte with the aliases Veronica and Scarlett Clarke. We find out that Victoria and Charlotte though can't make their escape until they have their hands on Charlotte's inheritance.
Next we see Amanda visiting Emily. She admits to having a one-night-stand and it not 100 percent sure the baby is Jack's. Basically, she asks for Emily's help in fixing the paternity text results. Of course in this alternate Revenge world, fixing documents is a non-issue.
With Daniel in the loop of Conrad's ploy to take Charlotte's money, he storms the rehabilitation facility she's locked up in and (rightfully) freaks out on the doctor. But wait! While Charlotte is happy to get out of there she's pissed off at Daniel for not believing her when she said she's clean. Oh siblings! Don't we all fight with our older brothers like that? Anyway, of course Emily is at the rehab at the same time so Charlotte asks her to be taken to Victoria. Before they get to Victoria, though, they make a quick pit stop to meet with Amanda, who Charlotte did not know is pregnant. Needless to say it was a touching moment and Charlotte cannot wait to be an aunt.
At Victoria's hide-out Charlotte tells her mother she doesn't have the money but still wants to make an escape. Who needs money, anyway? After a lavish life, the mother-daughter duo can make it off nothing, right? Charlotte hilariously brings over things from their home in an attempt to get her mother to pawn those for cash. I first thought Charlotte stole them, making her a shoplifter - now that's a storyline I want to see.
Victoria, as expected is not happy, and sends Charlotte away heartbroken. I'm going to use this opportunity to state that Madeleine Stowe is such an amazing actress. Moving on.
On to Ashley, the world's worst publicist. Her only task this episode was to keep Daniel out of a board meeting. Seriously, that was her one requirement, and of course she failed. Daniel storms in and yells at his father about taking Charlotte's inheritance.
As soon as Daniel leaves Victoria calls Conrad - to blackmail him of course. While a little stunned he seems completely nonchalant by the fact his wife, who was supposed to be dead for the past two months, just rang him up. No big deal, guys. Basically Victoria has Conrad tied around her finger at this point so she tells him to tie her up and beat her (Maybe she read "50 Shades of Gray" during her hiatus from life).
Jump back to Amanda and Jack, who both seem so unexcited to welcome a baby to this revenge-filled world. They get the test results back and the baby is Jack's! But is it really? Amanda calls Emily only to find out that she had to alter the test results. Not his baby. But wait - when Nolan asks Emily about it later, we find out Emily lied to Amanda. That's pretty harsh if you ask me. Harsh and confusing.
Back to the Graysons now. Victoria, being the scheming monster that she is, came up with an elaborate story of how she was abducted by the White Haired Man for the past two months and held against her will at the cottage. Not only that, but Conrad has allegedly been paying off the ransom money using Charlotte's inheritance. Everyone's in shock but we're just happy to finally have Victoria back in the Hamptons!
Emily contacts the White Haired Man and tells him she has the video that can exonerate him from the abduction charges (You didn't forget about the Clam Cam did you?) All she wants in return is information on her mother. In a confusing scene going from present to the past and back to the present again the White Haired Man jumps on Emily and attacks her with a knife. Worry not, fans, Takeda's sidekick (the one who was spying on Emily earlier in the episode) was there to shoot him.
On a random note, Declan, my least favorite character on the show despite being the most responsible one, offers to hold on to some rich kid's necklace in exchange for $500. So we know something awful is going to happen with that. I said he's responsible, not reasonable.
Like I said earlier, there was so much information, my mind was about to explode.
On another happy note: Meredith is back next week with her in-depth insights on our favorite Hamptons gang.