With only eight teams left, Americans are wondering who to root for in the World Cup. Here’s a primer:

 

Netherlands: Keep an eye out for the best collection of WAGs left in the World Cup — Yolanthe Cabau van Kasbergen, Clio Pajczer and Sylvie Van Der Vaart — who will likely be wearing orange, albeit very little.

 

Brazil: Its best player, Kaka, is currently partaking in an “anti-prostitution” campaign. Also, Brazil plays the most visually appealing soccer of any team left.

 

Uruguay: Two of its forwards, Luis Suarez and Diego Forlan, are playing some of the best soccer in the Cup.


Ghana: Beat the United States, so there’s no shot we’re rooting for them. And no, we don’t give a flip if you’re the last African team left or not.


Argentina: Besides having the world’s best player in Lionel Messi, it has perhaps the craziest coach in Diego Maradona, who will surely go bonkers if his club starts losing.


Germany: Cup’s most prolific striking tandem in Miroslav Klose and Lukas Podolski. Also has the best name in Bastian Schweinsteiger.


Spain: “Death by one thousand passes,” is how one announcer described this team. The keeper’s girlfriend, Sara Carbonero, is the “hottest reporter in the world,” according to FHM.


Paraguay: Lingerie model Larissa Riquelme, the country’s biggest fan, said she’ll run naked through the streets if Paraguay finds a way to win the Cup. This seems impossible (beating Spain and probably Argentina and Brazil just isn’t happening), but hey, it’s the reason we’re rooting for Paraguay.



Now back to the U.S., which can’t seem to shake the haters. Not even Landon Donovan, whose game-winning goal against Algeria was the single best moment in the history of American soccer.


Less than 24 hours after the defeat to Ghana, a British tabloid was poised to run a story about a woman who was pregnant with Donovan’s love child. Donovan is currently separated from his wife, actress Bianca Kajlich, who he gave a shout-out to after the Algeria game.


“I was informed of the possibility during the World Cup, and if I need to take responsibility, then I will provide the appropriate support," Donovan told Sports Illustrated.


– Jason Raj McIntyre covers athletes off the field and runs the blog, www.TheBigLead.com.


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