Like everyone else, I absolutely loathe the week between the conference championships and the Super Bowl. Writers, desperate to manufacture something out of nothing, are left scrambling (see the Jay Cutler madness last week).
But every so often, everyone gets lucky and a pivotal story actually surfaces. Nope, I’m not talking about the impending labor lockout (too boring). Nope, I’m not talking about the Green Bay Packers picture snafu (no one cares about you Jermichael Finley, especially after you screwed fantasy owners).
I’m talking about the Super Bowl stripper shortage. According to Fox 4 in Dallas-Fort Worth, there’s a 30-mile zone around the Metroplex that could use an additional 10,000 strippers. What a tragedy.
(The DFW area is difficult to grasp, as all the cities jockey for coverage in the media. The stadiums are in Arlington, the nightlife is in Dallas and the history is in Fort Worth.)
Between the horrible weather (temperatures in the 20s and an ice storm) and the lack of strippers, this is shaping up as one of the worst Super Bowl party weekends of all time (and I’m not just saying that because I’m not there).
Perhaps the NFL may need to take some lessons from the NBA All-Star weekend and move the game to Las Vegas. Remember the “Have a Baby by Me, Baby, Be a Millionaire” All-Star game in Vegas in 2007?
Sure, there were 362 arrests that weekend — not to mention Pacman Jones making it rain with $81K in a strip club (the police later seized the money, which was carried in a backpack), sparking a brawl that turned into gunfire, leaving one man paralyzed —but at least it was memorable, right?
So what if UNLV’s stadium only holds 36,800? Demand for tickets will be at an all-time high, the party scene would be off the charts and the weather would be in 60s or 70s. And, oh yeah, there’s never a stripper shortage in Vegas, baby.
–Jason Raj McIntyre covers athletes away from the field of play and runs the blog TheBigLead.com
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