So, the Americans are out of the World Cup.
Disappointing? Sure. But it doesn’t mean you have to stop caring.
Here’s your guide to picking a new favorite:
GERMANY
Good:?They knocked out BP’s homeland yesterday.
Bad:?Quiet efficiency is just no fun.
ARGENTINA
Good: Lionel Messi: Sweet.
Bad: Diego Maradona promised a naked run if they win: Not sweet.
PARAGUAY
Good: Everyone loves an underdog.
Bad: Another South American team? Really?
JAPAN
Good: Their mastery of free kicks.
Bad: France flashbacks from their look-alike shirts.
SPAIN
Good: Huge talent, beautiful soccer.
Bad: It’s like rooting for the Yankees, or the house in blackjack.
PORTUGAL
Good: Cristiano Ronaldo’s offensive skills.
Bad: Everything else about Cristiano Ronaldo.
BRAZIL
Good: Their free-wheeling, favela-influenced “joga bonito” style of soccer.
Bad: They don’t play like that anymore.
CHILE
Good: The country needs a post-earthquake boost.
Bad: They don’t have much chance vs. Brazil.
NETHERLANDS
Good: Orange jerseys! Orange dresses on impossibly good looking paid plants!
Bad: They love choking on big stages.
SLOVAKIA
Good: They eliminated Italy before the knockout stage. There are few soccer fans who can’t get behind that one.
Bad: They managed to give up more goals than they scored during group play.
GHANA
Good: They’re the only African team left.
Bad: The diving in the closing minutes against the U.S. was absolutely embarrassing to watch.
URUGUAY
Good: Luis Suarez is about the only reliable striker with the Jabulani ball.
Bad: Their jerseys are impossibly cheap-looking for a World Cup.
