If 1989’s historic sales and what will surely be a knockout box office weekend for Mockingjay have taught us one thing, it’s this: it’s really fun to pin beautiful, wildly successful women against each other. Some very public career successes have been experienced by both Taylor Swift and Jennifer Lawrence in the past couple of weeks. These successes have come after some rough patches: most notably, JLaw’s nude photo leak and Taylor’s years-long criticism for her relationships. It’s no question that the two ladies have loads in common: they’re rich, beautiful, and talented. In other words, culturally bound to hate each other. Right?
The latest “news” is that Taylor is moving in on J-Law’s “man” (“ex-man?”), Chris Martin of Coldplay. In the spirit of the ridiculousness of this, we’ve compiled a Knockout List to decide—once and for all—which diva reigns supreme. Please take this with a grain of salt. We definitely do.
Category 1: Height
Both ladies are known for their lovely statuesque physiques. I mean, have you seen photos of Jennifer Lawrence (5’9”) standing next to Josh Hutcherson, her Hunger Games love interest, on the red carpet? Oh, wait—there are photos of Taylor Swift (5’10”) with poor Josh, as well.
After an analysis of the height differences, head-to-shoulder ratios, and heel heights of Josh-Jen-Taylor photos, it’s obvious who wins this round.
Category 2: Interview Skills
This is where we begin to see the Big Differences between Tay and Jen (yep—we’re straight up taking nickname liberties now). Where Taylor is the PR specialist’s dream (she’s got an arsenal of cute cat stories, fake-surprise faces, and don’t-ask-me-but-please-actually-ask-me-who-I’m-dating lines), Jennifer is a little more…rugged? She talks about peeing, turning toilets blue in her Mystique body paint, and after winning an Oscar (we’ll get to that) and receiving a standing ovation, dismisses it with an embarrassed “you guys are just standing up ‘cause I fell and you feel bad.”
The winner: They’ve both met and talked to the queen of awesome, Ellen DeGeneres. So it’s a tie.
Category 3: Awards
Jennifer Lawrence won an Oscar. At 22. What were you doing at 22? It’s OK. You don’t have to go there.TaylorSwift won Album of the Year at the Grammys at Twenty. Years. Old.
The winner: Seriously?
That’s the thing. They are both unquestionably, undeniably winners. At life; at entertainment; at being classy, successful young women. And that’s intimidating, and it’s easy to pin them against each other rather than promote an entertainment industry in which there’s room for the both of them. Let’s, as a readership, make space for the both of them. It’s up to us. Who says it has to be more fun to read about fights than mutual success? It doesn’t.
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