Creepy news out of Silicon Valley this week: Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Facebook, has taken to only eating meat he kills himself.
Various online tongues are wagging: Not a big deal for a guy who has already killed MySpace. But MySpace was a bunch of bits and bytes. MySpace did not have big eyes and a little fluffy tail that wags unsuspectingly when you approach it.
Zuckerberg, demonstrating the same steely resolve he used to deal with the Winklevoss twins, went to a nearby farm in the valley and killed his own pig, chicken and goat by slitting their throats.
This is just an extension of Zuckerberg’s annual commitment to do something that stretches the Zuckerberg envelope, which is already an overweight package. Last year, it was learn Chinese. This year, it’s kill defenceless domestic animals. Next year? Just hope it doesn’t involve weapons of mass destruction.
The point, says Zuckerberg, is that “many people forget that a living being has to die for you to eat meat, so my goal revolves around not letting myself forget that and being thankful for what I have.”
Easy for him to say, but I’m sure the goat would prefer an intact throat even if Zuckerberg doesn’t get to feel better about himself.
Because isn’t that really the point? Twenty-seven-year-old megalomaniac multibillionaire gets to feel better about himself by engaging in some kind of twee blood ritual that makes everybody else’s skin crawl.
Say you’re an ambitious young VP at Facebook and Zuckerberg invites you up to the farm for the weekend to kill some dinner. What do you do? Gee, Mark, sorry! Not this weekend, I have to wash my hair?
The fact is that the real difference between human beings and the rest of the animal kingdom is that only people are capable of hypocrisy. I have to admit that if I had to kill the ingredients in my chicken Caesar salad, I would become an instant vegetarian. And that probably goes for everyone else who is not a bloodthirsty software entrepreneur trying to get in touch with his inner caveman.
Even more obvious, it’s simply not practical, unless they start installing do-it-yourself abattoirs at the local supermarkets, part of the trend to checking out and bagging your own groceries.
If Zuckerberg wants to be a truly accountable carnivore, shouldn’t he have to catch it as well as kill it? It’s easy to prey on some poor caged animal, but imagine what a spiritual experience it would be if you had to run the poor critter down first.
A week of that, and I guarantee he will be thankful if he manages to catch his dinner.