It’s that time of year again when men’s magazine Maxim names the 100 “hottest” women on the planet.
Whether you agree or disagree with the idea of objectifying and ranking women based on their physical appearance (and encouraging readers to do it, too, by voting for their picks), you can’t argue that Maxim has made the annual tradition into a wildly popular and successful media blitz. Maybe you love to look at it or maybe you hate to look at it — but you’re still looking at it.
So, of course, we here at Metro have studied the list closely, for, uh, reference purposes, and we contend that the Hot 100 are, in fact, hot. But, there are a few selections on Maxim’s 2012 Hot 100 that make us rather uncomfortable.
Allow us to explain:
Everyone is talking about “Foxy Knoxy’s” appearance on the list. She was acquitted this year of her roommate’s murder and returned from Italian prison to her home in the United States. Besides a few professional athletes, Knox is the only woman on the list who isn’t a model, actor or singer. The question is: Is it okay to judge a convicted murderer on her sexiness, as long as she was acquitted later?
Even though Bynes seems to be clumsily following in the footsteps of trainwreck Lindsay Lohan, we can’t help but still picture the former Nickelodeon star as just that — a Nickelodeon star. Her consistent roles as innocent, goofy girl have sucked any and all sexy thoughts about Bynes straight out of our heads.
Interesting choice, Maxim, interesting choice. Perhaps the writers chose the “Family Guy” mom to try and interject a little humor onto the list and send a message that says, “Sure, we judge women primarily on their worth as sexual objects, but look — we included a cartoon, so we can’t be that bad, right? Ha. Ha.”
The very young-looking actress plays a teen on the show “Modern Family” and, yes, she is of legal age. But even Maxim admits that talking about her hotness is a bit borderline creepy: “It turns out the hot daughter from Modern Family is 21, so you don’t have to feel weird about having a crush on her.” Well, we still feel weird about it.
She’s already got a naked photo scandal under her belt, but Hudgens is another one of those former Disney stars who won’t grow up in our minds. She probably still lives at home with her parents, right?
Another young one, Roberts was dubbed by one Metro staffer as “the human glass of milk.” ‘Nuff said.
Again, we know she’s “legal” at age 19, but we still can’t get past her Disney image. Plus, she’s the the girlfriend of Justin Bieber (cutest kid couple ever!) and the whole thing makes us feel icky inside. Wait, Bieber turned 18, too?
We’re well aware that the Brown-educated Brit has come into her own, cut her hair, and re-branded herself as a mature actress, but we will always see her as frizzy-haired little Hermione, who helped Harry Potter save the world as a young student at Hogwarts. We don’t want to sexualize anyone who’s still 11 in our minds.
She certainly wants everyone to think she’s hot, with her recent sideboob unveiling and all, but she is still tween rocker Hannah Montana in our eyes. There’s no doubt that Cyrus is growing up, but come one: How mad would her dad be with us for looking at his Miley in “that way.”
Apparently, he made the list after an aggressive write-in campaign by his fans, but it’s puzzling, given that Maxim labels the Hot 100 as “The Definitive List of the World’s Most Beautiful Women.” But, uh, sure, Maxim.