The drunk man’s guide to watching the Red Sox at Fenway Park

It’s been said that Fenway Park is a giant bar with an $85 cover charge. These days though, even when you get past the cover, the big pub on Yawkey Way easily has the most expensive adult beverages in the city.So, in this age of non-stop entertainment – how in the world do you make it through a four hour baseball game without getting at least a little tipsy? The answer is, you don’t.

Here’s how to get smashed at the Red Sox game without spending a full car payment:

It’s a pitcher’s park

The key for any Fenway pre-game is to find an establishment that has pitchers of beer. The tried-and-true location for this is the Baseball Tavern on Boylston Street. They offer $15 pitchers of Bud Light and $18 pitchers of Bud Heavy. There’s also the Fenmore Grill, with a secret entrance next to Popeye’s Chicken, if you’re up for slummin’ it. They offer $14 pitchers of Yuengling – the best deal in Kenmore Square. Fenmore is unappealing on the outside but a happy place on the inside. Just like a drunk.

Other hidden gems are Cornwall’s on Beacon Street, The Lower Depths Tap Room on Comm Ave and, of course, Fin’s Japanese Cuisine on Boylston (Fin’s boastfully sells Bud Light!).

RIP Copperfield’s

Pour one out for Copperfield’s on Brookline Ave, which I was originally going to base this entire article around. No place in or around Fenway ever got this sloppy as it was the place to go if you ever desired to make out with a girl wearing a Mike Timlin jersey in a disgusting three-foot wide bathroom. The good news is that the location will soon be The Tilted Kilt, which is more or less a Scottish version of Hooters.

Stay away

Don’t touch places like Yard House, which is entirely too nouveau douche, or anything built into Fenway Park like Game On. Bar Louie is a little too pricey too as you can tell by the cocktail glass on the side of the building. Doesn’t exactly scream peanuts and Crackerjacks.

In the ballpark

I’m not telling you to smuggle in $2 nips of rum or vodka, but I’m telling you to smuggle in $2 nips of rum or vodka. Wedge two or three in your belt buckle or toss ’em into your undergarments if you’re a real sicko.

Once you’re inside Fenway, buy a Red Sox souvenir cup. It offers free refills of soda so you can make it through the full nine innings with either rum and Cokes or Sprite and vodkas.

Pick up the nips at Bradley’s fine wine and spirits, which is right by the Baseball Tavern.