Today in fake news: J.Lo and A-Rod prep for marriage, Angelina Jolie moves on

Today brings us two different, very suspicious, super unlikely stories. Let’s talk about them!

In the first, InTouch credits an exclusive source — most likely an MFA candidate working on their grasp of fiction inspired tangentially by real life — for the “scoop” that although Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez’s relationship just began a couple of months ago, Lopez is ready to tie the knot. And not just that, but she’s ready to talk about prenups. So romantic!

“She really wants to marry Alex by the end of the year,” the source says. “She doesn’t want to wait because she knows he’s her soulmate.” Doubtful!

Lopez is reportedly worth $360 million, while Rodriguez is worth a cool $400 million. Even if this were true, doesn’t it all seem like way more trouble than it’s worth? Just like, be together without getting married, and keep your own bank accounts. It’s very simple.

Lopez isn’t the only woman who can’t bear the mere thought of being alone: InTouch also claims Angelina Jolie has a new man in her life, and they’re talking about getting married like, right away! I mean, sure. She only waited 10 years to get married to Brad Pitt, so she’s definitely ready for Husband #4 at this exact moment, OK?  

“Initially, Angelina was hoping to wait until the divorce with Brad was settled,” an insider says. “But now she may introduce her new man to her children in L.A. in the next few weeks.”

Well, if Jolie has the time to date a fake “philanthropist businessman” while raising six children, promoting a movie, making various philanthropic efforts of her own and going through a grueling divorce, then yeah, I guess she deserves this not-real mystery man.

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