Home
 
Choose Your City
Change City

Ellis Henican

Trump's America: Like sleepaway camp, only you don’t know where your parents are

What a fine way to celebrate Father’s Day! Rip a few hundred immigrant families apart! The heat is rising on the Trump administration’s policy of separating parents from their children at the border, and not just because of the large, canvas tents in the 100-degree South Texas sun....

Tuesday, June 19, 2018 - 3:16pm

Trump's America: Just Shut Up and Salute!

You don’t high-five the latest school shooting, and you don’t go around wishing people happy Memorial Day. Doesn’t everyone know that by now? Um, not everyone. There was Donald Trump, tweeting bright and early, as the rest of the nation was commemorating the ongoing tragedy of...

Thursday, May 31, 2018 - 3:24pm

Trump’s America: Shutting the door on gun sanity

Another ten dead by gunfire, and here we go again. This time, the slaughter was outside Houston at Santa Fe High School. And Dan Patrick, the pro-gun lieutenant governor of Texas, had another imbecilic excuse for refusing to do anything about America’s sickness with guns. Guns weren’t...

Sunday, May 20, 2018 - 6:08pm

Trump’s America: So funny America forgot to laugh

Wanna hear a joke about an American hero dying of brain cancer? I didn’t think so. No decent person would. And it would take an even bigger creep to tell a joke like that and, once confronted by the dying man’s distraught family, to refuse to utter a public apology. Welcome to...

Sunday, May 13, 2018 - 7:10pm

Trump’s America: Rudy cleans up the cleanup

Why hide? Whatever else might be said of Rudy Giuliani, the former New York mayor does not suffer from excessive timidity. And there he was again on Sunday, sitting in the glare of television lights, publicly counterpunching on behalf of his latest client, the president of the United States....

Sunday, May 6, 2018 - 3:27pm

Trump’s America: WWPD? Fire the House chaplain for a prayer

Holy Mary, Mother of God! What on Earth is Paul Ryan trying to prove? That a Catholic priest can’t minister to people with families? That God-fearing politicians shouldn’t look out for the poor? The outgoing Speaker sure has raised some dicey questions by abruptly dismissing the...

Sunday, April 29, 2018 - 6:50pm

Trump’s America: Let the spouses speak, I say

I have a wife. She has opinions. And sometimes — this part may surprise you — her opinions differ from mine. This can be frustrating for someone like me who enjoys being right all the time. But really, what am I supposed to do? I much prefer the company of people who possess their own...

Sunday, April 22, 2018 - 6:12pm

Trump’s America: Mission creep in the White House

To declare “Mission Accomplished,” don’t you need to know what the mission is? That key step is still noticeably AWOL from Donald Trump’s victory dance on Syria. We’re pulling our troops out … maybe. We’re “establishing a strong deterrent against...

Sunday, April 15, 2018 - 5:15pm

Trump’s America: Prepping the prez for Mueller’s perjury trap

Metro columnist Ellis Henican imagines a possible conversation between President Donald Trump and his attorney Ty Cobb as the two prepare for the president to face an interrogation from special counsel Robert Mueller. Attorney Ty Cobb: Special counsels don’t invite people over just...

Sunday, April 8, 2018 - 4:39pm

Trump’s America: Happy Easter, you losers!

Christ has died, Christ has risen — Donald Trump is going to insult again. What? You thought that Easter, the holiest day of the Christian calendar, might soften the heart of America’s insult-spewing president? Then, you probably also believe in the Easter Bunny! Anyone hoping for a...

Sunday, April 1, 2018 - 6:26pm

Trump’s America: Please, don’t let Trump be Trump!

Suddenly, the most volatile president in American history is spinning even more wildly out of control, hell-bent on ripping the handcuffs off and turning up the Trumpitude to 11. And you probably thought he was at full blast already. Just wait. Just wait. We’ve arrived at a deeply...

Sunday, March 25, 2018 - 5:48pm

Trump’s America: Look who’s next on the White House firing line

Ready, aim…fire Robert Mueller! Isn’t that where Donald Trump is heading next? He’s sending out some dire signals, that’s for sure. In a barrage of increasingly furious weekend tweets, the angry president complained with fresh bitterness about the terrible unfairness of...

Sunday, March 18, 2018 - 7:27pm

Trump’s America: Uncaged and unhinged! It’s re-election time!

Campaign Donald is uncaged again. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: When was he ever caged? Well, compared to the wild man who turned up over the weekend in Moon Township, Pennsylvania — yes, that’s really the name — the character who’s been seething...

Sunday, March 11, 2018 - 6:27pm

Trump’s America: How much for that Harley? Way more than it was

Jean-Claude Juncker put it best, with just the right amount of Euro condescension for America’s cloddish president. “We can also do stupid,” the chief of the European Commission said. Juncker is one of many sane people, inside and outside the United States, who are shaking their...

Sunday, March 4, 2018 - 5:41pm

Trump’s America: Hotel Hell at Trump’s Tower in Panama

I have seen the future of the Trump presidency. It features an eviction notice, a document shredder and a bunch of agitated people peppering each other with angry insults. Kinda like the White House on a calm day! You’re probably still trying to make sense of Donald Trump’s crazed...

Sunday, February 25, 2018 - 6:01pm

Trump’s America: Just like old times at the Chaos House

Hey, look who’s back at the White House! It’s our old friend Chaos again! It wasn’t two weeks ago that Donald Trump peered into a teleprompter at a joint session of Congress and said words into a microphone. Actual words. One after another in the order they were written for him...

Sunday, February 11, 2018 - 4:01pm

Trump’s America: What goes up … must come Donald

Live by the Dow. Die by the Dow. In last week’s State of the Union address, Donald Trump crowed loudly about how his soaring stock market “smashed one record after another!” And in fact, during Trump’s first year in office, the Dow Jones industrial average did go up 31.5...

Sunday, February 4, 2018 - 5:08pm

Trump’s America: The state of the union is … graded on the Trump curve

Tuesday night, with everyone watching, Donald Trump gets to inform the American people — again! — just how brilliantly he is performing as president. And two-thirds of the country won’t believe him, the two-thirds with any heart left and even a couple of brain cells. Why should...

Sunday, January 28, 2018 - 6:21pm

Trump’s America: The world’s greatest dealmaker is otherwise occupied

Schumer insults McConnell. McConnell insults Schumer. Moderate senators from both parties try to hash out a compromise that might reopen the government, while hundreds of thousands of federal workers wait to find out when they’re going back to work. And Donald Trump, the World’s...

Sunday, January 21, 2018 - 6:08pm

Trump’s America: One year down, we’re still standing

There is no wall. Rocket Man hasn’t nuked Los Angeles, and a lot of alarming creatures no longer work in the White House: Michael Flynn, Steve Bannon, Omarosa Manigault. (Quick show of hands: Who misses Omarosa? I didn’t think so.) Thank God for little favors, I say. The DACA kids...

Thursday, January 18, 2018 - 7:18pm