VIDEO: Woman begs bear to stop eating her kayak; is not one with nature

A video of a woman in Alaska pleading with a black bear to stop eating her kayak is making the rounds on the internet, entertaining thousands.

The video, titled “Black Bear Gnaws on Delta 15s Seakayak in Berg Bay, Alaska” is basically two minutes of a woman, presumably named Mary Maley (that’s the account’s name), frantically pleading with nature in the form of a large black bear to stop breaking, eating and all around f–king with her kayak.

The video starts out with Maley spraying the bear with pepper spray and thanking it for not destroying her kayak anymore.

However, the bear essentially gives her a big ol’ middle finger and starts going at the kayak with its claws and teeth while Maley pleads, cries and negotiates with the bear.

“Please stop, bear! It’s the end of September! Why are you here? You’re supposed to be asleep!” She argues, uselessly, with the grand force of nature. “Please stop breaking my things! Please stop breaking my things, bear! Bear! Bear! Please stop breaking my things! It’s not even food it doesn’t even taste good! It’s just plastic!”

It’s hard to not feel bad for Maley. A bear, which as she states should clearly be sleeping, is totally f–king with her and her recreational equipment. Who knows where she was and if the kayak was her only means of travel. We can assume though that the video is evidence that she made it out of whatever wilderness she was in quite fine.

Matt Lee is a Web producer for Metro New York. He writes about almost everything and anything. Talk to him (or yell at him) on Twitter so he doesn’t feel lonely@mattlee2669.