Getting your morning forecast can be just as personal as getting your morning news — most folks turn to their phones, others may turn on The Weather Channel.
And some Bostonians put their trust in an amorphous, inter-dimensional entity from the “weather realm” who possesses the mind and body of a local Boston man.
The one-man meteorology service offers original forecasting via its “weather lair,” and its reports are served to readers with all the delivery of an angry, Caps Lock-engaged internet commenter who also happens to be on the peak of an acid trip.
The main show, Happening’s website — or “Webzone,” as he prefers —is an anxiety-producing homage to the awful web design standards of the 1990s, featuring a distracting animated background, clashing colors, and the rampant, all-caps, broken “internet English” for which Happening is so well known.
In other words: it’s hideous, but at least hilariouslyso.
According to its “WAT” page, the site serves as “BOSTONS SOURCE 4 NO NONSENSE WEATHER NO GAMES PPL THIS IS IT THIS IS DEFINITELY IT,” explaining its meteorologist is a “WEATHER BEING” who traveled to this dimension to warn humans about the dangers of global warming.
And that’s among the more coherent parts of the site. See, for example, this August 17 forecast:
“NAO U GOT TROPICAL CYLON FIONA SPINNING IN UR ATLANTIC W/ WINDINESS @ 40 MPH & SLOWLY SPINNING 2WARDS UR EMPIRE @ 16 MPH,” he wrote. “THO IT WIL PROBS WONT FLOAT OVR UR EMPIRE, ITL B FOARSD IN2 A LIL TURN & FLOAT OFF IN2 UR OCEAN, THO BERMUDA MAY EVENTCH B AFFAXTD [i.e. “eventually be affected”] BY THIS BIG BADDIE”
Or this one, from August 22.
“U GOT SUM NICE WATER LAST NITE, TH WEATHER LAIR HAD .78 INCHFALL OVR IT BRINGING UP UR MONTHS RAIN TOTES AMOUNT 2 1.38 INCH, WOWOW,” he wrote. “UR STIL IN A EXTREME DROWT, DEAL W/ IT”
So, in a nutshell, “Weather is Happening” is a pretty weird way to see if you should bring an umbrella to work.And Happening, staying true to surrealistic form, won’t provide a straightforward explanation for his bizarro performance art, instead insisting he is an intergalactic being here to warn the people of Earth that these may be their last days.
Reached on the phone, Happening’s self-described “corporeal form” sported an affected and often wildly exaggerated Massachusetts accent, saying he was here to help make sure humans “repent to the weather lords.”
“[Weather beings] show up on planets where the state of hyper-capitalism is destroying your planet, and tell people that maybe they should repent to the weather lords,” Happening’s corporeal form explained. “Your planet, like so many…will just end up destroyed by fancy oligarchs and powerful people that are destroying the atmosphere — against the will of the people, or whatever [alien creature] they might be.”
OK. But why type it like that?
“It’s more comfortable to write like that,” he said. “Not to be an alarmist, but I mean, it’s a little bit alarming.”
Happening said the service issues forecasts based both on “powerful visions” he receives in his dreams and the amateur weather station he maintains with the help of his corporeal host.
Weather Is Happening also received a $1,000 grant from Boston’s Awesome Foundation last December, which allowed the service to expand its operation with a green screen and digital camcorder for YouTube broadcasts, as well as a high-end Davis Vantage weather station.
Eventually, the weather being said he’d love to expand his service to other locations, but just happened to find himself in Boston after his trans-dimensional journey.
“I’d love to do the whole planet someday,” he shrugged. “But right now, all I can do is Boston.”
May the weather lords smile upon you, humble weather man.