It’s time for another edition of our weird news roundup. This is Generation Beta.

Mango Hurling 80-year old Didn’t Fear Robber

Otilia Martins didn’t think twice when she heard a scream from behind the counter of her daughter’s bodega.

The octegenarian said she was grocery shopping when she saw a gunman standing near the register at the Continental Market in New Bedford, MA.

The man had a gun pointed at her friend while his accomplice looked on.

“I was scared he was going to kill her,” she told the local news Tuesday through a Portuguese interpreter. “I would rather he kill me than her. I would rather he kill me because I’m 80 and she’s young and has two children.”

Martins told the gunman to kill her. He didn’t, so she reached in front of her to hurl…anything at the robber. What she found was mangoes. They worked.

The two fled the scene after the first few fruits went flying. She followed to see which way the men escaped.

Police have charged two men with armed robbery.

A great birthday surprise

North Chelmsord resident Francis “Mike” Miskell had a big surprise waiting for him as he went to attend mass on the morning of his 90th birthday.

His friend and former neighbor Sheryl Dumon had placed 90 pink flamingos throughout his yard.

Dumont, who now lives in New Hampshire, set up the display overnight.

She says a birthday card just wouldn’t have done it this year.

“I figured it was her,” said Miskell, a World War II Purple Heart recipient.

Sir, is that crack in your crack?

A Malden man has been arrested for drug dealing after trying to hide 22 bags of cocaine in his butt.

20-year-old Jamil Bowden and his 21-year-old girlfriend Charolette Alexandra Kennedy (guessing she’s not one of those Kennedys) were arrested for possession and multiple other drug violations.

The long and the short here: the sting operation against “Mils” was part of a larger drug bust in Somerville, Mass. Police found out he was regularly dealing drugs out of his red Mercedes Benz, and that he was known to store drugs in his butt crack.

When detectives searched him, officers say he clenched his butt tightly, so further search could not be executed.

Sure enough, there were nearly two dozen bags of crack in there. He was also in possession of marijuana.

Home invasion lands 3 in custody: the victims

Three Windham, NH men could not possibly have known what awaited them when they reported a break-in this week.

Police came to the home to investigate, but arrested the victims for pot possession — and criminal liability for the conduct of another.

Police wouldn’t give details, as they say the men are still victims of a violent crime.

Drimel Reyes, 28, of 59 Bear Hill Road was charged with possession and is out on bail.

Cesar A. Tavarez, 28, of Orlando and Leonides R. Fernandez, 59, of Miami, who were staying at the home, are charged with criminal liability for the conduct of another.

None of the men were injured in the home invasion.

Test a condom, win a year’s supply!

Ever wanted to share your opinions on condoms with the world?

Head to Brazil, where non-profit DKT International is hosting its fourth condom tester contest.

Non-puritan participants note their experiences with the group’s Prudence brand condoms product on a website. The 100 best story writers win free condoms for a year!

And for DKT’s part…the group is hoping to counter cultural stigmas against using contraception.

So far, more than 3,000 stories have been submitted to the site.

“Contraception is more controversial than sex,” says Phil Harvey, founder and president of DKT International, which has sold more than one billion condoms in Brazil.

And if you needed a reason other than STD protection to use condoms:

And a fantastic, parting condom commercial.

Why are they so ingenious?

So funny?

So sensational?

Condom love.