While stewing in my apartment on a cold Sunday in March, I thought up a wonderful idea for an article that you would click on: Which Kardashian sister is each borough of New York City.
I don’t consider myself a Kardashian expert. I do however write about the family extensively and have seen Mrs. West’s nude body more than I’ve seen my own.
Nor do I consider myself to be a New York City borough expert. Of the five boroughs I have been to four, and of those four I have spent an entire day in three, and of those three I have only lived in one.
But shallow material needs only a shallow understanding of the subjects. So here it is:
Manhattan – Kim Kardashian
Kim is obviously Manhattan.
Kim is without a doubt the most famous, the most fantasized about, and most overhyped Kardashian, just like Manhattan is the most fantasized, famous and overhyped borough of the city. Manhattan and Kim are the most photographed of their siblings, and both have had the most work done.
It just makes sense.
Queens – Kourtney Kardashian
Although Kim recently became a mother, the most maternal and family oriented of the sisters has always been Kourtney. It is because of this that Kourtney is Queens, which of the five boroughs, within a subway rides distance to the city (sorry Staten Island) is perhaps the most residential and family oriented.
It’s not at all fancy like Manhattan or trendy like Brooklyn, and much like how Queens is home to the two worst things (JFK and LaGuardia) Kourtney is home to Scott Disick (allegedlythe worst human).
Brooklyn – Kylie Jenner
Kylie Jenner is without a doubt the coolest Kardashian sister — she’s also the youngest. Much like how Brooklyn is way too hip and young for it’s own good, little Kylie is the same way. We can totally see Kylie walking down Bedford with her electric blue hair while sipping on a $5 americano.
Staten Island- Khloe Kardashian
Oh, Khloe. What else could we have given you? Much like how people question whether or not Staten Island is even really a part of New York City (it is), people question if you’re even wholly related to the other Kardashian sisters (you are).
Khloe also has the attitude of the Staten Islanders, and is thus the most grounded of all the sisters.
The Bronx – Kendall Jenner
To be honest, the only thing that Bronx and Kendall Jenner have in common is…well, nothing actually. All the other boroughs were taken, and maybe Kendall was too busy being a super serious model when we were dishing these out.
Matt Lee is a Web producer for Metro New York. He writes about almost everything and anything. Talk to him (or yell at him) on twitter so he doesn’t feel lonely@mattlee2669.