The wake of The New York Times’ revelations about Amazon’s terrifying company culture has brought all sorts of anecdotes and testimony from the woodwork of the internet. The most terrifying, for me of course, is Vice’s “At Amazon, Employees Treat the Bathroom as an Extension of the Office” piece published on Monday.
“The most horrifying moment of my employment at Amazon was the time I was using the toilet and a co-worker began talking from the stall next to me.” A former Amazonian wrote for Vice. “He asked me why I had not responded to his very pressing email. I closed my eyes and pretended this wasn’t happening. What email could be so important that it could not wait five minutes for me to use the bathroom? He began tapping on the wall between our stalls, asking why I wouldn’t respond, as if inter-stall conversation should be a totally normal, not disgusting means of communication.”
What fresh Hell is this?
The bathroom is one of the most holy and sacred places in our daily lives. If Jesus were to be born today it would be in a public restroom in Central Park. They are just that important.
I’ll admit that I am toilet shy, and although I’ve overcome a lot of my issues with doing my business in the company of strangers, I still go to great and sometimes overly complicated lengths to expel my waste in the utmost privacy.
So you can imagine my horror at reading about Amazon employees holding meetings, coding and breaking all sorts of unspoken (but very important) rules of bathroom etiquette.
In case you need a reminder here are the unspoken rules of the bathroom:
1) No talking: We could be long lost siblings who happen to reunite in a men’s restroom and I STILL wouldn’t talk to you.
2) No eye contact: Unless you’re planning on pulling a George Michael situation you best pretend I’m Medusa.
3) Nothing leaves the bathroom: I don’t care if it sounds like I’m murdering someone in my stall. Dead men tell no tales.
4) Wash your f– hands, peasant.
Matt Lee is a Web producer for Metro New York. He writes about almost everything and anything. Talk to him (or yell at him) on Twitter so he doesn’t feel lonely@mattlee2669.