Many people carry disastrous relationship experiences from the past into the present. Holding onto that old anger or resentment inevitably transfers negative vibes onto future relationships. It sabotages the possibility of creating healthy new bonds — and keeps you rooted in the dark parts of your history so you can’t experience all the amazing possibilities of the now.
The old stories we carry around keep us stuck, blocked and disconnected from others. The first step to releasing these blocks is to shine some light on the fear-based stories we’ve been replaying. What are the relationship stories you’ve believed for decades? What did you learn as a young child that you carry with you today? Maybe you feel inadequate, or you feel like you’re better than others. Or possibly you feel unworthy of love. There are all kinds of limiting, fear-based stories that we learn at a young age and carry around with us.
Change the story by rewriting the script. Start by writing out the current fear-based story you’ve been living. Then rewrite it: In a notebook, tell the new story of how you want to feel in relationships. Clearly outline the fears you want to release. Committing to changing the story is a radical step on your journey toward fearless relationships. The next time you witness yourself playing out your fear story, take a moment to read the new story you’ve crafted. In an instant you can remind yourself of what is real and commit to a new pattern.
The next step to becoming more fearless in relationships is to check your breath. When you’re stuck in fear, judgment and attack you’re likely not breathing. Your breath alone can smooth over a negative relationship and in an instant change the energy between you and another person. Use your breath as a powerful tool for shifting your energy in relationships. Yogi Bhajan, the Kundalini yoga master, taught:
In any communication, or in any situation which you cannot confront because it is exaggerating, hot or aggressive, just change your breath. Breathe through the lips instead of through the nostrils. Exhale always through the nostrils. Inhale through the rolled lips and make it slow and long. It will slow everything as required. It will increase your sensitivity. It will give you 10 times more projection over the person you are talking to.
Practice this breath exercise in your difficult relationships and you’ll see how you can proactively change the energy between you.
Real change comes with a true desire to change. Therefore, to bring more love into your relationships it’s important that you make a daily commitment to change. Start each day with an affirmation or prayer that sets you up to win. You may say, “Today I intend to bring more love into my relationships.” Or, “Today I will be fearless and free in my relationships.” This simple shift can change your entire attitude, energy and life.
Use these three tools to begin a journey of new perceptions. Open up to the infinite possibilities that you can be fearless in your relationships and you can enjoy more love. Your peace, love, and connection are a choice you make.