Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) knows how to defend herself. Credit: FX
This episode of "American Horror Story: Coven" does not open in front of the gorgeous Victorian houses of New Orleans or even in the Ninth Ward. Instead, Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) is walking in a dark, unsavory part of town near the highway when a homeless man approaches her and he sure isn't friendly. He announces his plans to have his way with her and starts to unzip his pants when Queenie uses her powers — both her human voodoo doll skills and her sheer might — to beat the bejesus out of him. Madison (Emma Roberts) and Zoey (Taissa Farmiga) show up and ask her to come back to Miss Robichaux's, but Queenie won't hear any of it. She tells them she's a voodoo chick now, and she turns to kill the man with a dagger and literally rips out his heart. Queenie explains to her ex-friends that the man raped three schoolgirls and Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) needs a dark heart to make a potion for her.
Fiona's getting sicker and sicker and she's getting no sympathy from her daughter: Delia (Sarah Paulson) asks Fiona (Jessica Lange) to die before Thanksgiving so they don't have to eat her horrible stuffing. She's still bedmates with the Axeman and she tells him she's still trying tofigure out who the next supreme is.
Luke, the next door neighbor, is getting a verbal beating from his mother for hanging around Miss Robichaux's. His mother slaps him and then makes him sit naked in the bathtub while she pours some creepy solution onto his nether regions.
Next door at Miss Robichaux's, Delia holds a meeting with Madison, Zoey and Nan (Jamie Brewer) — they're plotting Fiona's murder when Misty Day comes pounding on the door, barefoot. She tells Zoey that she tried to disappear but a man found her cabin in the woods and tried to shoot her in the middle of the night. Delia welcomes her into the coven along with an undead Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy), who's back in her full Grace Coddington splendor. She might still have burn wounds on her face, but her crimped hair and wacky glove are black. In perhaps the most exciting sartorial reveal in "American Horror Story" history, Myrtle also announces that she's been buying her hair in bulk from North Korea for years. (How did they dye that jet black Korean hair so red?) Myrtle also states that Misty must be the next supreme.
Madison (Emma Roberts) and Zoey (Taissa Farmiga) want to take Fiona down. Credit: FX
Zoey, Madison and Kyle (Evan Peters) are still working out the kinks (ha ha) in their three-way relationship. The two girls leave Kyle in their bedroom while they join hands with Delia, Nan, Misty and Myrtle downstairs in an ancient ceremony to crown the next supreme. The problem is they need to get Fiona to kill herself.
Fiona's nearly coughing her brains out when she hears some music and walks into her bedroom to see Madison dancing and twirling like Kate Moss in an Alexander McQueen hologram in a splendid red dress. "Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me. How soon can you get your stuff out of here?" Fiona asks Madison who brought her back and Madison reminds her (falsely) that she's the next supreme, and she brought herself back to life. She also tells Fiona that everyone knows she killed her and generously gives her the option of burning at the stake the next day or killing herself with some pills.
Of course, Fiona's not ready to die, and she starts packing when Myrtle shows up. Fiona tearfully tells Myrtle that she can't die just yet because she has found someone she truly loves. Myrtle laughs at the idea that the Axeman will stay at Fiona's bedside till the end. Fiona calls her jealous but her insecurities creep in and she imagines a future in which the Axeman leaves her on her deathbed. Fiona puts on her rouge and her fur coat to prepare to fall on her sword. She asks Myrtle to take care of Delia for her and swallows a handful of pills and lies down. Myrtle leaves the room, but not before grabbing Fiona's jewelry on the way out.
Undead Spalding wakes up Fiona and tries to give her ipecac syrup but Fiona argues that she's doing something good for the coven for once. Suddenly, Spalding gets his spine back and tells Fiona she's full of it and that she needs to man up; he informs her that Madison is not the supreme anyway, and she has been set up. Fiona drinks the syrup, coughs up her pills and is back and ready for revenge.
Over at Marie Laveau's house of voodoo, Queenie shows that she hasn't lost her whole heart. She brings Delphine (Kathy Bates) a cheeseburger and sticks it inside her cage. Delphine begs Queenie to take her out of the cage but Marie comes just in time to stop her. Marie tells Delphine she loves turning the tables and having her in a cage; Delphine tries to turn the tables, too, and orders Marie to bring her a drink — no dice. Delphine makes the foolish decision to taunt Marie and tell her she's not afraid of her. Marie responds by swiftly chopping off her hand.
Back at Miss Robichaux's, Nan flees the school in a tantrum when she learns that none of her friends think she has it in her to be the supreme. She runs over to Luke's, where she finds him hurt and abused. She tries to rescue him when a gunman fires into the house and shoots and kills Luke's mom. More shots ring out and Luke throws Nan to the ground to save her. He gets shot instead.
The rest of the girls are waiting in the living room for a supreme to rise but no one feels anything. They find out soon enough why not when Fiona walks in. She wants to find Misty, but Stevie Nicks' greatest fan is already next door at Luke's. Fiona shows up and asks Misty to bring Luke's mother back from the dead. Delia walks toward the scene of the crime and has a vision that someone was aiming to kill Nan.
Zoey realizes the residents of Miss Robichaux's aren't safe, and she tries to get Kyle to evacuate her bedroom. Kyle speaks for the first time after his death and tells Zoey he loves her. Poor Madison hears it from the hallway and silent tears stream down her undead face.
The next morning finds Fiona back in full force, running the house and looking radiant. Fiona tells Delia for the first time that she's proud of her — for plotting her murder. The twisted logic is not lost on Delia, but she admits she's relieved to have her mother back after the shooting next door. She shows Fiona a bullet from the crime scene. Fiona picks it up and feels that it's blessed, and the two realize they're up against a witch hunter.
Someone leaves a package at their door and Fiona brings it inside and opens it up. It's Delphine — or rather, Delphine's head.