Bill Murray does awards duty at the First Annual Comedy Awards. Credit: Getty Images
Unlike the Golden Globes, the Oscars are a serious, some would say joyless affair. Perhaps that's too harsh: Let's say it's fun, but in a carefully controlled, anal-retentive way, with every bon mot and "moment of improv" painstakingly timed down to the second, to ensure that the ceremony only lasts four hours and only a few are offended. (Unless that's what you want, in which case you hire Seth MacFarlane, and then instantly regret it when he sings about boobs.)
Anyway, the long list of the 46 mega-stars forced onto the stage to recite Bruce Villanch witticisms has been released, and at least a quarter of them are people who would definitely but definitely rather be anyone else. (And as an aside, we understand that making a Bruce Villanch joke is about as edgy as a Bruce Villanch joke.) Among those heading to the podium include everyone's favorite incorrigible grump Harrison Ford, Bill Murray — who hates dealing with Hollywood life so much he doesn't have an agent and accepts roles over an answering machine he rarely checks — and the intimidatingly quiet Robert De Niro.
On the other hand, new variety show creator Joseph Gordon-Levitt certainly enjoys playing host, and hey! Kim Novak's in there too! Perhaps she can talk again about the use of Bernard Herrmann's score from "Vertigo" reused in "The Artist" made her feel "raped."
Anyway, the full list is as follows: Amy Adams, Kristen Bell, Jessica Biel, Jim Carrey, Glenn Close, Bradley Cooper, Penélope Cruz, Benedict Cumberbatch, Viola Davis, Daniel Day-Lewis, Robert De Niro, Zac Efron, Sally Field, Harrison Ford, Jamie Foxx, Andrew Garfield, Jennifer Garner, Whoopi Goldberg, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway, Goldie Hawn, Chris Hemsworth, Kate Hudson, Samuel L. Jackson, Angelina Jolie, Michael B. Jordan, Anna Kendrick, Jennifer Lawrence, Matthew McConaughey, Ewan McGregor, Bill Murray , Kim Novak, Tyler Perry, Brad Pitt, Sidney Poitier, Gabourey Sidibe, Will Smith, Kevin Spacey, Jason Sudeikis, Channing Tatum, Charlize Theron, John Travolta, Christoph Waltz, Kerry Washington, Emma Watson, and Naomi Watts.