Simon Cowell is patting himself on the back for talking One Direction star Louis Tomlinson off the ledge following news he's having a baby with non-girlfriend Briana Jungwirth. "I said to him, 'You man up. You're fortunate because you're in a position to be able to look after the baby and not worry too much about that," Cowell boasts in an  interview with the Sun. "But I also told him, 'I've received bad calls in my life, but this is not one of them. This is your business, but I'm here for you." Thanks?

RELATED: The funniest fan reactions to One Direction's baby drama

Also, Cowell certainly has an interesting way of putting a positive spin on things: "He didn't kill anyone. He got someone pregnant," he says. "It happens every day all over the world. Again, Louis has got great family around him and, look, it's a plus, not a negative."

RELATED: Ed Sheeran: Harry Styles leaked his own nude pic, has sizable member

Speaking of bad news, Cowell suggests that this baby situation coupled with Zayn Malik's departure might be just the opportunity the group needs to give it a rest already. Sorry, girls. "In terms of the band, they've got enough hits now they can take some time off and do some other stuff they want to do," he says. "Then I hope they'll have a little bit of time apart and want to get back together again." Can I just say that this all seems, I don't know, suspiciously well-coordinated?

Follow Ned Ehrbar on Twitter: @nedrick