Ryan Lochte is having a hard time finding love.
"I haven't been in a relationship in a year," the Olympian and star of the new reality TV show "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" tells the new issue of In Touch. "Every time I date someone, I end up getting hurt."
The problem, it seems, is that he doesn't know if women are after his giant brain (this is the man who wore a fake grill on the Olympian podium and coined the catchphrase "Jeah!" so by "giant brain" I might be using slight sarcasm) or his public persona. "I don't know if they're just after my fame and money or if they like me for who I really am."
But if he could find someone he really does like, what is he looking for? "A girl that's fun, classy and sweet who I can have a conversation with," Lochte says. "If she can make me smile and laugh, I'm sold!"
My advice for his next potential love interest? Pretend to take his nose. He would be so enamored of your magical powers, you'd be unstoppable.
Bieber's pet monkey will stay in Germany
If you, like me, have been kept up at night, worrying about Justin Bieber's pet monkey (that is not a euphemism; dude has a baby pet monkey that was quarantined by the German authorities last month because he didn't have the correct paperwork), it seems like the pet, named Mally, will stay in Germany so Bieber doesn't have to put up the effort of trying to get it back. According to a German paper, Bieber's people have reached out to see if Germany can keep the pet.
Mally is currently in quarantine in a Munich animal sanctuary. Animal shelter boss Karl Heinz Joachim described the situation previously as "heartbreaking," saying, “A baby monkey is not something suitable to be on a world tour even if he is traveling by private jet. He should be out in the wild climbing trees and learning from other monkeys if he isn't to have serious psychological problems later in life."
I know this is an upsetting situation, but Germany is probably a better option for poor Mally than being around Justin Bieber.
Perry can touch the 'D' word
Katy Perry is getting more an more comfortable talking about her divorce from Russell Brand, even challenging a Hollywood Reporter staffer's classification of it as an "elephant in the room" as far as conversations go. "It's a very tiny elephant," she says. "It's like a little tchotchke now. The big D — you can say it." Brand filed for divorce from Perry in December 2011 after 14 months of marriage.
Cyrus and Hemsworth: Still together
Despite indications of trouble between Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, the pair are "still engaged," according to E! News. "They live together. The wedding is not off," a source says. "You can't postpone a wedding that never had a date in the first place. Their plan all along was to wait a couple of years before even thinking about a date." As for the eyebrows Cyrus has raised by stepping out multiple times without her engagement ring? "She just doesn't wear it sometimes," the source adds. "People shouldn't read too much into that."
DAILY TWITTER UPDATE: April 24, 2013
Checking in with some of Hollywood's biggest names to see what they've been up to — in their own words, in 140 characters or fewer.
Today, Ewan McGregor has spent a bit too much time out in nature, Chris Colfer likes to go unnoticed, Craig Ferguson is learning all of Los Angeles' dirty secrets and Olivia Wilde is having trouble with her paper products.
I'm so happy to be in a city. Melbourne I think I love you.
Hearing the Paramount security guard call me a "sneaky ninja" just. made. my. life!
The grass is greener in LA cause we paint it.
Paper towels suck at being emergency floss.