If you’re single and swiping, it’s likely that you’ve felt dating fatigue before. It’s that moment when you just can’t look at another profile or go on another bad date. So you log off. You’re burnt out.
Most online daters cycle through times of being proactive — sending and swiping — and times of inaction, when you’ve deleted or hidden your profile. But the way to a relationship is through consistency in the actions you take to meet people.
To create consistency, you’ve got to avoid burn out. Here are three ways to avoid it once and for all:
1. Stop investing all your emotion early on. There are four stages of action in dating: searching/swiping, messaging, dating and relationship development. The most time is usually spent in the first two stages: searching and messaging. When we spend a lot of time on something, we invest the most emotion there. So it’s easy to get caught up in someone’s witty text banter before meeting.
In dating, emotion is currency. If you invest high in the first two stages, your heart’s bank account will be drained before you meet. Keep messages short and create searching routines to limit your time — and save on emotion.
2. Pace yourself. When you’re coming off of a dating hiatus, there’s a lot of enthusiasm. You’re excited for new potential in your life, which often means you move fast by sending many messages, and planning lots of dates. But expectations are also higher in the beginning. High activity can feel discouraging if first dates don’t turn into second or third ones. When you pace yourself and stop rushing, you’ll avoid feeling burnt out after you’ve only barely begun.
3. Make decisions now. It’s so often we end up overthinking in dating. You wonder, “Is he going to text me?” Or, “Will she really say yes if I ask her out again?” There’s a lot of thinking before decisions are made. Too much thinking. And that exhausts your emotions too. Stop the cycle of overthinking by focusing on your feelings instead. Rather than, “Will she really say yes?” ask yourself, “Do I want to ask her out?” If the answer is yes, commit and do it. No more spinning your wheels getting burnt out on hypotheticals. Your emotions will thank you.
Laurie Davis Edwards is the founder of eFlirt, an online dating concierge service, and the best-selling author of "Love @ First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating."