No woman wants to ask a guy out. (If you do, you’re an anomaly.) But here’s the deal: if you meet someone online, you need to get offline to actually date him. Otherwise, all that time you put into messaging back and forth is a waste. Swiping on Tinder is fun, but it’s only actually enhancing your dating life if you’re meeting those matches IRL.
Of course, every woman hopes that her matches will ask her out. (Guys: I’m serious. Just do it.) But it doesn’t really matter how you get offline, just that you do. If he’s good enough to continue messaging, he’s good enough to meet for a cocktail or coffee.
Most of my clients are women - and at first, they hate this advice. The biggest thing is that they don’t want to have to learn how to ask a guy out - but then they realize it’s really uncomplicated, and in fact, can even feel empowering. You are opting into your dates, rather than letting him be the only one in control.
Here are three ways to ask him out:
Mention getting offline. Be direct, like this: “You’re so fun to talk to! Want to continue the convo over a cocktail?”
Use what you’ve got. Take something from your conversation and bring it into reality, like this: “I know, I haven’t been to that museum in a while either! Next week?”
Get snarky. Try a little humor, if sassy is your style with something like, “I’m a lot more witty in person. ;)”
You don’t always have to follow up directly with a question that suggests meeting. If you want to wait and see how he replies, you can. He may take your cue and ask you out once you prompt the date-night discussion. Just make sure you don’t hesitate too long and miss your moment.
Laurie Davis Edwards is the founder of eFlirt, an online dating concierge service, and the best-selling author of "Love @ First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating."