A North Carolina woman is reportedly happier than ever after fulfilling her lifelong wish of becoming blind.

Jewel Shuping, 30, has body integrity identity disorder (BIID), according to a report from Oklahoma’s KFOR that references a documentary on Shuping produced by Barcroft TV. BIID is a condition in which able-bodied people believe they are meant to be disabled.

“By the time I was 6, I remember that thinking about being blind made me feel comfortable,” Shuping was quoted in the article, which added that, as a teenager, she started wearing thick black sunglasses and got her first cane at age 18 before becoming fluent in Braille at 20.

“I was ‘blind-simming’, which is pretending to be blind, but the idea kept coming up in my head, and by the time I was 21, it was a nonstop alarm that was going off,” she told Barcroft TV.

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Shuping claimed she had a psychologist put a couple of drops of drain cleaner in her eyes, according to the report.

“It hurt, let me tell you. My eyes were screaming, and I had some drain cleaner going down my cheek, burning my skin,” she was quoted in the article. “All I could think was ‘I am going blind. It is going to be OK.’ When I woke up the following day, I was joyful until I [became] enraged when I saw the TV screen,” she told Barcroft TV.

Shuping said she originally told her family it was an accident, but they later found out the truth, causing her mother and sister to cut ties with her, KFOR reported.

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“I really feel this is the way I was supposed to be born, that I should have been blind from birth,” she said to Barcroft TV. “When there’s nobody around you who feels the same way, you start to think that you’re crazy. But I don’t think I’m crazy, I just have a disorder.”