What if we could create the perfect athlete, using the attributes of those who've passed through town in the past 25 years? Here's my Philadelphia Frankenstein:
Left arm — Cole Hamels: Almost 2,000 quality innings over 10 seasons. Second only to Steve Carlton as the franchise's top lefty.
Right arm — Randall Cunningham: The release was way too slow. But, given time, he could hit Mike Quick 60 yards downfield.
Hands — Jimmy Rollins: Averaged just eight errors a season, and earned four Gold Gloves, during the Phils great run.
Fists — Bernard Hopkins: He's more of a technician than a brawler, but I still can't think of anyone I’d less rather have punch me.
Knuckles — Donald Brashear: The last fearsome fighter in orange-and-black. Remember Tie Domi hiding behind the linesman?
Fingers — Dikembe Mutombo: We all imitated the finger waggle. The guy’s digits resembled yardsticks.
Wrists — Chase Utley: He’s shot now, but in his prime he could flick those wrists and drive the ball out of the park. Especially Shea Stadium.
Hair — Nerlens Noel: He’s 6-foot-11, and the flattop makes him about 7-foot-4. Nice tribute to Fresh Prince.
Eyes — Brian Westbrook: The little guy could find a hole the size of the eye of a needle among all those 300-pound linemen.
Nose — Rod Brind' Amour: That thing bent in six different directions. Still, women loved him.
Mustache — Andy Reid: That big red paintbrush.
Beard — Jayson Werth: Not enough competition in this department. Werth really let it go that one year he tried out for ZZ Top.
Mouth — Curt Schilling: Sometimes incisive, sometimes inane. Never boring.
Brains — Chip Kelly: The proverbial smartest guy in the room. And all you Sam Hinkie sycophants can sit down.
Abs — Terrell Owens: Those crunches in the driveway weren't for nothing.
Belly — Ken Hitchcock: A smart coach whom players cited as an example that not all fat men are jolly.
Rear End — Jaromir Jagr: All that skating power derived from those glutes. I'll always wish he'd stayed here longer.
Left leg — David Akers.
Right leg — Cody Parkey. Or Heather Mitts.
Feet — Lesean McCoy: Changed direction better than anyone since Barry Sanders. Sorry to see it end ugly.
Forelocks — Smarty Jones: I'm not really sure what a forelock is, to be honest.
Thighs — Roy Halladay: It was his great push off the mound that made him perfect.
Ears — Donovan McNabb: He heard every word of criticism, even when whispered.
Jaw — Eric Lindros: Not really. I just wanted to get him on this list. Alas, his jaw was made of glass. The ultimate "what could have been" in Philadelphia sports.
Heart — Brian Dawkins: Give him the nod for soul, as well.
Pituitary Gland — Shawn Bradley: If he only had a heart.
Balls — Allen Iverson: Would drive into the land of seven-footers to put up a feathery layup, take a huge hit and then do it again.
Spleen — Larry Bowa: Tamer now, but, man he could spit venom.
Asshole — Norman Braman: Enough said.