Are you recession ready? - Metro US

Are you recession ready?

An advantage of working as a writer is that you’re never aware that the economy isn’t in recession. For most members of my profession, being a writer in Canada is about as lucrative as being an actor in Canada or a women’s hockey player anywhere.

Still it’s impossible to deny that our current economic situation may be going from bad to “Ho boy, that hurts.” So for those who did not plan ahead by weaning your family off expensive luxuries such as food and housing, here’s a quick questionnaire to test whether you’re prepared for what might lie ahead.
Are You Recession-Ready?

1.) Do you see this Metro newspaper as:

a) A convenient, cost-efficient means of accessing news and entertainment?
b) Toilet paper.

2.) When tallying up your saleable assets do you include:

a) Your condo, car and the sorry remains of your stock portfolio.
b) Your vital organs.

3.) In order to balance your household budget will your strategy be to:

a) Offset rising grocery prices by decreasing wasted food.
b) Offset rising grocery prices by decreasing the squirrel population.

4.) Izaak Walton famously said, “Health is a blessing money cannot buy.” In your opinion these are the words of:

a) A wise visionary.
b) Someone who never had to live without a prescription drug plan.

5.) Which of these traits do you consider most useful in surviving a recession?

a) Patience, restraint and hope.
b) The ability to chew and digest tree bark.

6.) The best way to save money on your children is by encouraging them to explore the time-honoured traditions of:

a) Simple pleasures.
b) Running away and joining a circus.

7.) If faced with a choice between giving up your VIP cable TV package or selling your mother into white slavery, would your response be:

a) This is outrageous. I love my mother.
b) Does the package include the fishing channel?

8.) For you, the upside of this recession is realizing that:

a) What really matters are friends and family.
b) You’ll still have something to complain about long after winter is done.

If you answered a) to all or most of these questions, you have as much chance of beating this recession as a Timbits team up against the Calgary Flames.

But, if you answered b) to all or most of these questions, you’re recession ready and good to go … anywhere except the mall.

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