MEA CULPA: Last week, while reporting on an upcoming episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent based on Anna Nicole Smith’s unhappy life and death, I mistook Jon Lovitz for Jon Cryer. Lovitz was being talked about to play the character based on Howard K. Stern, Smith’s attorney, companion, and putative father of her infant daughter, though for some reason I had a brain slip that imagined Cryer in the role – a casting choice I still stand by. Several readers wrote in to protest my calling Lovitz “Ducky,” a few of whom added that Cryer’s character in Pretty In Pink was actually named Duckie. I stand corrected on both counts, and like everyone else, blame global warming.
The point is moot, in any case, as David Cross has been cast in the Stern role, according to an NBC press release. alongside Kristy Swanson, the original Buffy, as Lorelei Mailer, the fictional version of Smith. Cross is an inspired choice – he has a way with creepy that stands out, even among today’s bumper crop of off-putting actors. Occasional director and frequent guest star Peter Bogdanovich also appears in the episode as the publisher of the magazine that discovered Smith/Mailer. The episode airs May 8th, and this is the last you’ll hear from me about it, unless they’re actually talking about the redhead on Desperate Housewives and I need new glasses.
CRACKED: You’re going to have to take the National Enquirer’s word on this one – frankly, it’s worth as much as anyone else on newsprint these days – but singer Bobby Brown is currently pitching a sequel to Being Bobby Brown to various networks. In the middle of a divorce from Whitney Houston, Brown is apparently finding it hard to get back in the single swing of things, and wants to bring the cameras along for something called Dating Bobby Brown. “Bobby believes the best way to win a man’s heart is through his stomach,” an unnamed source told the Enquirer, “so he’s planning to have the women cook for him while they parade around in thong bikinis.”
If this gets made, it’ll only be because legal told them they’d be in trouble with Jumping Into A Shipping Container Full Of Knives, or Skinny Guys Calling Bikers Sissies While Wearing A Pink Rubber Jumpsuit.
LIFE AMONG THE GROWNUPS: Rosie O’Donnell has promised never to mention Donald Trump’s name again, apparently ending their months-long feud, according to an Associated Press story. The erstwhile actress and TV personality made the vow on The View last week, in the middle of a discussion of comedian Richard Jeni’s suicide, which O’Donnell managed to link to Trump, before calling him “Dump Truck,” her favorite taunt (Do you ever miss grade 6? I don’t.) and doing an impression of his combover. A vow not to mention Trump, however, doesn’t exclude mime and nicknames, however, so the fun obviously isn’t going to end with this one.