I don’t understand why everyone got so mad at Jason. Okay, so maybe The Bachelor shouldn’t have proposed to Melissa on national television when he was clearly conflicted and had unresolved feelings for Molly.
But give the guy a break. He got caught up in the moment (along with the small handful of 17 million viewers who watched the finale of the popular reality show) and convinced himself that a lifetime with Melissa was the way to go.
And it’s not like he turned around the next day and ditched her. It was six weeks later. A lot can happen in six weeks. Would you rather he stay in the relationship, even marry Melissa, simply because he said he would on national TV?
Because, goodness knows, far too many of us stay in relationships way beyond their due date. We come up with all kinds of excuses to hang on: He’s not so bad … It’s better than being alone … What if I don’t meet someone else? … I don’t want to hurt her feelings … Maybe I need to try harder…
Relationship coach Susie Collins runs several relationship advice websites with her husband Otto, among them stayorgo.com. She says Jason did the right thing by listening to his heart and not trying to make a relationship work that was doomed to fail — especially when his heart was saying, “Be with Molly.”
Jason said there were warning signs telling him Melissa had similar characteristics to women he’d been with before — and those relationships hadn’t worked out. These are good signs to heed, says Collins. If you can’t decide whether or not it’s worth sticking it out with someone when you’re having doubts, ask yourself if your partner is similar to those in past relationships that haven’t worked out. In other words, are you making the same mistakes over and over again — only with different people?
And because there is some truth to that old adage: It’s not you, it’s me, Collins suggests you ask yourself some tough personal questions before dragging someone else along for a ride to nowhere, such as: Why are you in the relationship at all? What are you afraid of if you stay? If you go?
“If you don’t invest some quality time now in taking an honest and truthful look at the state of your relationship, you could stay stuck in this place of indecision for a very long time,” says Collins. “It’s amazing how many of us are content to stay stuck in limbo about their relationship.”
Especially given most of us don’t even have the threat of being humiliated and scorned on national TV to stop us from doing something about it.
– Josey Vogels is a sex and relationship columnist and author of five books on the subjects. For more info, visit www.joseyvogels.com.
Correction: An earlier version of this story incorrectly stated that Jason split from Melissa six months after he proposed to her. In fact, they separated six weeks after becoming engaged.