Justin Timberlake Aghast
I too am aghast, Timberlake. I too. Photo: Getty

Justin Timberlake — who perhaps you know as the original teenage heartthrob named Justin with questionable hair choices — is rumored to be performing at next year’s Super Bowl halftime show. I’m sorry, what? No.


Timberlake last performed in 2006, when he ripped off Janet Jackson’s bra and her breast was exposed. America acted like breasts were a super insane, crazy thing which is weird — it was 2006, not 1906 — and Timberlake infamously threw Jackson under the proverbial bus. He was always talking nonsense about being “shocked and appalled” at what happened, calling the “accidental” exposure “unintentional” and “completely regrettable.” Mmhm.


Anyway, now it’s 2017 and nothing matters: An insider has revealed to Us Weekly that the 36-year-old could very well be your next mega Super Bowl performer. It shall coincide nicely with his fifth solo album, which he just happens to be working on.


I want to be angrier, but I feel nothing — and also football is not my jam — so whatever.