“Floribama Shore” only just premiered but it's been drenched in drama for weeks.
MTV’s new reality show portrays a gang of eight young-and-dumb-uns as they rage one summer in a beach house in Panama City, Florida. According to Page Six, the network has already been sent a cease-and-desist letter from the Flora-Bama Lounge. (To be fair, the bar straddles the Florida/Alabama border, while the show actually takes place three hours deep into the Florida panhandle, so it probably should be called something else, at least for geography’s sake.)
And then there’s the cast of MTV’s “Jersey Shore,” who, five years later, are not pleased about this country-fried take on their debauchery.
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino tweeted “You heard the people @MTV, just bring back the original #JerseyShore RT if you agree.” All of the cast retweeted it (except Ronnie who doesn’t really do Twitter).
Snooki shot down a Twitter bro who said they were too old for a reboot, “I’m 29, 2 kids, Married & can still funnel wine and do cartwheels on the dance floor. We aren’t dead Bundy.”
I’m 29, 2 kids, Married & can still funnel wine and do cartwheels on the dance floor. We aren’t dead Bundy https://t.co/uTmrJGJIjm— Nicole Polizzi (@snooki) November 2, 2017
“Jersey Shore” was fun while it lasted, but let’s be real: neither fans, nor the cast needs to relive that. What's the harm is giving a fresh crop of shameless youths the chance to call cabs, smush and GTL?
Which brings me to my original topic: Is “Floribama Shore” worth the watch? After viewing the pilot, which airs Monday Nov. 27, my take is that it's basically the same thing except with Southern accents. Sorry, meatballs. Maybe it's an homage to "Jersey Shore," or maybe it's just that when you put the camera on eight extremely thirsty millennials, determined to get fucked up and have sex for a summer, how much variation can you expect?
The first episode alone already featured tears, yelling matches, rebuffed advances and drunken bloopers. It’s dumb fun, but it’s worth it because these trash kids say the darndest things.
There’s 23-year-old Nilsa, a recently divorced Panama City local and the looker of the crew who delivers priceless one-liners like, “These shorts are all the way up my butthole, it’s like touching my heart.”
She wants to bone Jeremiah, a 22-year-old jacked former home-schooled kid from Amelia Island, Fla. Early on in the ep, he tells the camera, “Being a southern boy, I have to be a gentleman and a douchebag at the same time because that’s what women look for.”
He mostly ignores her, smitten with a slightly older local named Kayla Jo (but c'mon, you know they'll at least make out before summer's end). Until then, he’s abiding by the bro code: Nilsa already broke 22-year-old Gus’ heart, a Tallahasse honey who, despite his Steve Harrington locks, is “a total dud,” as she tells her home girls one night at the club.
(OK, gotta be honest, these meatheads can't hold a beer can to Pauly D's jokes, The Situation's disarming blather or Vinny's nice guy charm.)
The Snooki of the crew is 21-year-old Kortni, another Panama City local who prides herself on being ratchet. She’s never not lit and has a penchant for peeing in inappropriate places, but there’s more to her, behind the beer bong...
24-year-old Aimee of Perdido, Alabama is country AF. First thing we learn about her is that her boyfriend of ten years got her cousin pregnant. But she's more than a walking stereotype: She shuts down Codi Butts, 25, of Westminster, South Carolina, when he takes it upon himself to shame Nilsa for her plastic surgery. (He, on the other hand, has no redeeming qualities beyond that name, which is only good for a cheap laugh.)
Candace, 24, is the only non-Southerner of the crew, down in the Redneck Riveria from L.A. to “[prove] to myself I’m still young enough and beautiful enough to find me a man.” Umm, she for sure is, and we hope the summer fulfills her wildest dreams.
25-year-old Kirk is the resident nice guy of the show and therefore has not made an impression.
Clips from future episodes forecast plenty of melodrama, but that’s to be expected. We’ll wade through it, in exchange for more winning interactions like the below:
Nilsa: “Knock knock”
Jeremiah: “Who’s there?”
Nilsa: “My vagina”
Jeremiah: “Is that like, a clever pun?”
"Floribama Shore" airs Monday nights at 10 p.m. on MTV.