There’s nothing worse than going on an amazing date … only to get ghosted. It can send you into a spiral. You may think, “Could I have misread her signals that much?” Or, “He said he wanted to go out again, so why isn’t he asking me out?”
The feeling is similar even if the person does respond to you — and says “no.” On one hand it gives you certainty — your date did reply even if it wasn’t the outcome you were hoping for — but it still leaves you with uncertainty because you’re not sure why they aren’t interested any more.
Whether the person ghosted or said no, you feel rejected.
In these scenarios, I notice that my clients have a tendency to turn inward and blame themselves. Maybe you ask yourself the same things they do, like:
“How come I’m not compelling enough for him?”
“What did I do wrong?”
“Is anyone ever going to want me?”
It can feel like something is wrong with you. But, what if the problem wasn’t you at all?
When you’re in the early stages of dating, you’re still learning about each other — and that means you don’t fully understand the intricacies of the other person’s life. So what if instead of the problem being you, the problem was that there were other things blocking them from having the relationship they wish they could have? What if they weren’t in a position to completely connect with anyone? There could be any number of things happening in their life that don’t involve you.
Next time you have the urge to overanalyze the “why” and wonder what’s wrong with you, look for the evidence that all is right. Focus on creating new connections. Because as much as rejection can sting, it’s necessary on your path to meeting the right person. As my husband and fellow dating coach always says: The path to connection is through rejection. If no one is saying no, you may not be putting yourself out there enough to receive a yes from the right one.
Laurie Davis Edwards is the founder ofeFlirt, an online dating concierge service, and the best-selling author of “Love @ First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating.”