File under first world problems, but we now have a cure for sports fans with swamp ass (via Urban Dictionary: “A common condition in which the ass crack and crotch becomes overly sweaty and stinky from sweating on a hot day”).
Thankfully, you can now buy “Swamp Butt Underwear” at SwampButt.com for a cool 19 bucks. The underwear absorbs everything embarrassing.
You see this a lot from middle aged dads at Fenway during the humid days of July and August, but it also affects dads during Little League games. From a SwampButt press release:
“Last year an umpire totally blew it at third base and wrongly called my 9-year-old son out in front of what I assume was at least six major league scouts,” said a father that wished to remain anonymous. “It was a ridiculous call and that ump deserved to know what an idiot he was. But it was a hot day and I didn’t want to show the group of moms behind me how much butt sweat was visible through my shorts. So I just booed while seated. It was so frustrating. But now thanks to Swampbutt Underwear I’m able to stand with confidence and tell those umpires that they suck. Thanks SwampButt!”
I wanna be like Gronk
Rob Gronkowski looked like a beast at OTAs this week, and with a new contract laced with incentives – Gronk could very well smash his single season tight end records (touchdowns, receiving yards). It seems like he’s been around forever, but Gronk is still just 28-years-old. He’s also apparently a role model now.
At the NFLPA Rookie Premiere, NFLPA officials told the pro football rookies to “be like Gronk.”
“Some people think [Gronk] is just this extension of a frat boy, and that it’s sort of accidental,” NFL Players Inc. President Ahmad Nassar told The Boston Globe. “And that’s wrong. It’s not accidental, it’s very purposeful. So the message there is, being really good at branding is when you don’t even feel it. You think, ‘Oh, that’s just Gronk being Gronk.’ Actually, that’s his brand, but it’s so good an so ingrained and so authentic, you don’t even know it’s a brand or think it.”
