Introducing “First Meal” — the most terrifying thing to happen to Americans since ammonium hydroxide beef filler.
Taco Bell, maker of authentic Mexican-inspired horrible things, has decided this whole “naming meals with numbers” phenom is really catchy. After the late night “Fourth Meal” was a huge success, proving wildly popular with drunkards everywhere, the chain is now offering “First Meal.” Nope, not breakfast! This is “First Meal. “
“First Meal” does feature “all American breakfast foods,” according to a new ad, with Taco Bell’s special touch, of course. For example, you can try Johnsonville breakfast sausage smushed together with “eggs” and all wrapped up in a tortilla. Not enough? Grab yourself an order of “Cinnabon delights” filled with “glorious” frosting. Wash it all down with Seattle’s Best coffee. A balanced breakfast, indeed.
One thing to consider if you do find yourself eating Taco Bell’s “First Meal” — we’re guessing your day can only get better from there, right?