The Oatmeal's new app will help you determine if your cat is a homicidal maniac - Metro US

The Oatmeal’s new app will help you determine if your cat is a homicidal maniac

The Oatmeal, the cartoon blog that brought you the card game Exploding Kittens, is venturing into public safety (wink, wink) with its new app, “Is your cat plotting to kill you?”

According to the instructions, you first need to download the app (right now only available for iPhones) then “point it at your cat to scan their intentions.”

The free app was designed by Matt Inman, creator of The Oatmeal, and built and developed by Nick Inman, Matthew’s brother, who coincidentally, is looking for work.

One tongue-in-cheek reviewer, Pupsmajor, gave the cat app five stars, saying it “literally saved my life.”

Well, I don’t know how to begin. My cat was missing for a week, when it came back I noticed slight chances in its behavior that got me suspicious. Suddenly it’s “cuddling” with me, never leaving my side. I told my friend about it and he recommended this app. Thank god he did! In the moment I pushed the download button my cat jumped up and rushed out of the room. The scan told me that there is a 77% chance of my cat intending to kill me. It opened my eyes! In all those years I didn’t live with a innocent fluff ball, but a cold and blood-thirsty killer.

Do something to save your life: install this app!

The app will be available in the Google Play store “at some point in space and time,” according to the apps FAQs, and does not work with children, dogs or livestock.

If the app doesn’t work, the creators have a fix:

Try vigorously shaking your phone and rebooting your router.

If that fails, try blowing profusely into your phone’s charge port.

If that fails, accept that the universe is fundamentally against you.

Just please don’t email us about it.

How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You” is a book published in 2012 authored by Matthew Inman, who offers cat care tips like how to pet your kitty and insight into feline behavior. “If your cat is kneading you, that’s not a sign of affection,” according to the Amazon description. “Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness.”

“How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You” was a No. 1 New York Times Best Seller.

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