With the release of this week’s “Tooth Fairy” and last week’s “The Spy Next Door,” we couldn’t help but notice a pattern. The muscle men of Hollywood always eventually get cast into some brainless comedy that involves minding bratty kids. Why does America keep accepting this blight of the film world? Read on for some examples.
Macho man: Arnold Schwarzenegger
The film: “Kindergarten Cop”
The premise: A narcotics detective goes undercover as a kindergarten teacher. Cop bonds with kids, charms the moms and utters the legendary phrase, “It’s not a too-maah!”
Macho man: Hulk Hogan
The film: “The Nanny”
The premise: A “former pro-wrestler” (real stretch here, Hogan) takes up a bodyguard position for a motherless pair of young kids but is unwittingly forced into the role of nanny for the prank-happy brats.
Macho man: Vin Diesel
The film: “The Pacifier”
The premise: A Navy Seal and undercover agent meets his match when asked to babysit a family of five children whose father was the target of espionage. Prankage and bonding ensue. Yawn.
Macho man: Jackie Chan
The film: “The Spy Next Door”
The premise: A former spy for the CIA is at the mercy of the three children of his girlfriend. Unhappy with their new babysitter, the kids are also a target of the Russian mafia. Pranks and bonding — well, is it even worth repeating?
Macho man: Dwayne Johnson
The film: “Tooth Fairy”
The premise: A grouchy minor-league hockey player who dares to tell a kid that there’s no such thing as the tooth fairy is then forced to be one, and boy, does he learn a lesson in what looks to be a smarmy barf fest.