‘Two and a Half Men’
COMEDY. Minus one “winning” crazy man — yes, Charlie Sheen’s character gets killed off tonight — “Two and a Half Men” reboots with Ashton Kutcher in the lead. The “That ’70s show” vet plays an Internet billionaire with a broken heart who finds comfort in Alan (Jon Cryer) and son Jake (Angus T. Jones).
Season premiere, 9 p.m., CBS
‘The Roast of Charlie Sheen’
SPECIAL. And this is what is left of that “winning” crazy man’s career. Seth MacFarlane serves as Roast Master.
Premiere, 10 p.m., Comedy Central
‘2 Broke Girls’
COMEDY. A tough Brooklyn waitress (Kat Dennings, serving up plenty of wit and attitude) is forced to work with a fallen Manhattan princess (Beth Behrs) in need of a job when her family’s wealth disappears. It’s one of our favorite pilots this fall.
Series premiere, 9:30 p.m., CBS
‘Dancing with the Stars’
REALITY. A new cast of celebs — including Ricki Lake, Kristin Cavallari, Chynna Phillips, Nancy Grace, Hope Solo, Elisabetta Canalis, Ron Artest, David Arquette, J.R. Martinez, Rob Kardashian and Chaz Bono — battles it out on the dance floor.
Season premiere, 8 p.m., ABC