As we all know, Thanksgiving doesn’t begin until you’ve said your prayers, taken your vitamins and have watched the 1989
WWF WWE Survivor Series intro three times in a row in the span of 15 minutes.
Thanksgiving, of course, is a holiday that thrives on nostalgia and if you miss those cocaine-fueled, steroid-laden Thanksgivings of yore, this is the video for you. Here’s a little English translation of some of the wrestlers as they tell you what they’re thankful for in 1989.
Hulk Hogan (0:03): I’m thankful my daughter Brooke is going to become the next big thing on American Bandstand. What a voice.
Jake “The Snake” Roberts (0:45): I’m thankful for my yoga pants.
“Macho King” Randy Savage (0:56): I’m thankful I had this unbelieeeevable crown fitted to my head. Thanks, Lids. Dig it!
“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan (1:04): I’m thankful I got kicked by that mule five years ago and I’m especially thankful for all the great armories across this great land that will allow me to work for the next 30 years. How else is a cat supposed to pay for his Meister Brau? HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Earthquake (1:11): I’m thankful for the giant Tiger tattoo on my left shoulder and that this idiot to my left is doing my mic work.
Dusty Rhodes (1:14): I’m thankful that America loves obese white men that drop bionic elbows in their underwear. I’m not thankful that Vince McMahon is ribbing me with these polka dots, but I’ll pretend that I love them, anyway. It’s all about gettin’ dat dolla, hunny.
Bushwhacker Butch (1:12): I’m thankful to learn that we’re both alive in 2013. It’s a real stunner, cousin.
Ultimate Warrior (1:17): Gibberish, gibberish, gibberish! Warrior! Gibberish! WAR!!!!!!! (Snarl)
Happy Thanksgiving 2013!
Follow Metro Boston sports editor Matt Burke on Twitter @BurkeMetroBOS