Justin Bieber is now a proud, all-grown-up 22-year-old, and if you believe things written on the McKenzie Post — which you shouldn't — he's ready to slow down a bit, move out to the country. In my favorite totally fake story of the week, the site made up an Us Weekly report about Bieber packing up his L.A. mansion and moving up to remote Sandy, Oregon.

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“I want a farm, I want cows, I want chickens!” Justin supposedly told Us Weekly with an excited laugh — which should have been your first clue that this is bogus. Bieber only ever offers forced, desperate laughs that hint at the existential turmoil gurgling beneath his vacant pop-star surface.

“I’m not giving up my career, I just want to move to a place that feels so different than what I’ve been used the last several years of my life," they want you to believe he continued. "For me, that place is Sandy, Oregon."

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But hey, good news for residents of Sandy: He's not actually moving there.