A new interview with Justin Bieber from GQ was released Friday morning, and boy is it a doozy. The interview follows the pop star in his de facto home at a Beverly Hills hotel to an eerily empty video game arcade in New York City.

We read the interview (which can only be described as bleak) so that you don’t have to. Here are six things we learned from the story.

1) He’s not sorry. 

Despite reports to the contrary, and a hit single that declared otherwise, Justin explained to GQ that the song “Sorry” was not, as GQ explained, “a winking mea culpa for the sum of his wrongdoings.” 

“'People ran with that — that I was, like, apologizing with the song and stuff. It really had nothing to do with that.'

'It wasn’t meant to be an apology?'

'No. It was about a girl.'”

2) Justin Bieber is not easy to talk to.

Justin, who has essentially grown up in the spotlight and on television, speaks very strangely. His speech seems as though it’s made for TV: He avoids what GQ calls “backchannel norms.” These are "short verbal cues like 'mmm-hmm,' 'right' and 'yeah'" showing that the listener is engaged.

"There are a number of reasons why Bieber might have developed this irregular habit. Perhaps it was drilled into him that two people talking at once makes for poor audio quality on talk shows. Maybe he was warned that a stray 'yeah' to demonstrate you’re paying attention could, in the wrong hands, turn into an on-the-record affirmation that Bush did 9/11. Maybe he wants to be unsettling."

Or maybe he’s a psychopath, GQ.

3) "Justin Bieber makes eye contact like a person who has been told that eye contact is very, very important."

4) Justin Bieber really loved that monkey he abandoned in Germany.

Remember that monkey that Bieber was forced to leave behind in Germany by the German government? He really loved it. It was real love. He hasn’t gotten it back though, and he might visit it. 

Will he ever get another one? Bieber explains:

“Yeah, one day. Just gotta make sure I got a house, and it stays in the fucking house. I’m not gonna bring him to Germany or travel with it anymore. People are always like, ‘Why did you get a monkey?’ If you could get a monkey, well, you would get a fucking monkey, too! Monkeys are awesome.”

5) The whole Mayan ruin debacle? Totally a misunderstanding.

"Me and my boys have been doing this thing where we moon each other whenever we take a picture. So [my friend] went to take my picture, and I mooned him. And I guess [the guards] thought that I was being disrespectful to the site or whatever. That’s not what I was doing. I immediately was like, ‘Man, I didn’t mean any disrespect…,’ but they weren’t really having it. They were like, ‘No! You — this disrespectful!’ I said, ‘All right, cool — we’ll bounce.’ So I just walked out. I just knew it would escalate into something else. The dudes that were escorting us were like 4 feet tall, and I just wanted to… The old Bieber came back, and I wanted to smack them around a little bit. But I realized, you know what, obviously it looked bad, and it was disrespectful, because I was in their sacred area, showing my ass and stuff. But it was all in good fun. My boys — we do this wherever we are. It’s like a last-second thing: They go to take a picture, and I just turn [around]…but yeah, you know, clarifying that, you know, to the Mayan people or whatever, whoever was…felt any disrespect, I’m truly sorry for that. I never meant to disrespect anybody."

6) Justin Bieber doesn’t text.

"I don’t want people to feel like they can just get in contact with me that easy," he says later when asked about the logistics of a pop star’s personal phone. Very few people have his number, which must be changed every six months for security. Throughout the GQ interview, he never looked at his phone.

Matt Lee is a Web producer for Metro New York. He writes about almost everything and anything. Talk to him (or yell at him) on Twitter so he doesn’t feel lonely @mattlee2669.