“I had a few messages with a woman, but then she stopped messaging,” one of my clients mentioned this week. It’s not uncommon for a match to ghost — before you’ve even met offline. Maybe you were in the middle of planning a date when they stopped replying. Or perhaps it happened after only one or two messages.

There are a few dozen reasons I’ve heard for this lapse in response, including: They haven’t logged into the site or app for a while, canceled their subscription, got busy at work, started seeing someone seriously, or perhaps, just forgot to reply. It all happens. Don’t take it personally — in very few instances will the reason be YOU.

Instead, consider that in a world of overstimulation and easy access to dates, you need to be proactive to get noticed. (Yes, even you ladies.)  

Here’s exactly what to do if your match hasn’t responded:

Give the person space. Following up too soon can look overeager — and even needy — so give it some time (but not too much or you risk losing momentum). On a dating site, my clients find that waiting about seven days is ideal, while on an app, three days is sufficient.

See if they’ve read the message. Some dating platforms allow you to see if the person has read your last message. If they haven’t read it, there is less chance they’ll respond no matter what you write.

Craft a casual check-in. Consider your follow up a check-in — you’re writing to see how they are and if they’re still interested. Focus on something timely, like what happened over the weekend, or “Hope you had an awesome Thanksgiving! I spent time with my family in the ‘burbs — our flag football game was definitely the highlight. How about you?” Make sure you end with a question — similar to what you should ask in an initial message — so it’s simple for your match to respond. And no matter what you do, don’t call them out for not replying sooner. Insecurity isn’t sexy on anyone.