Netflix giveth and Netflix taketh away, and usually at random. The seasons change every few months, but the streaming giant fluctuates every 30 days or so, bringing a new flurry of titles ready to stream, right as other titles you kept meaning to punch up suddenly disappear into the ether. Such is life, and such is how you spend your nights and weekends instead of talking to other carbon-based lifeforms.
Anyway! Here’s what’s coming and going from the service that dominates our everyday (all titles appearing 2/1 unless otherwise noted):
In case you haven’t heard, we live in a new Golden Age of Television. As such Netflix is best with all things boob tube, including their own. They’re about to gift us with “Fuller House” (Feb. 26), the perhaps unnecessary revival of the cheesy family sitcom, only without those pesky Olsen twins.
They’ve also gotten in bed with Judd Apatow, yielding the comedy “Love” (Feb. 19), which is not to be confused with “Love” (Feb. 6), French provocateur Gaspar Noe’s scandalous art-porn. Theater-goers got to see actual schlongs inside actual Vs in wondrous 3-D, but you’ll just have to settle for watching attractive people bone each other in the comfort of your own home or on your laptop or on your phone.
Those wishing to revisit the back half of “Mad Men”’s final season will be able to do so on Feb. 5. Meanwhile, those of us who got too busy and distracted last year and inexplicably didn’t finish the excellent first season of “Better Call Saul” (returning Feb. 15) will be able to catch back up starting Feb. 1.
The movies that pop up on Netflix are truly out-of-nowhere, but we’re just hoping the masses finally get hip to the brilliance of “I Love You Phillip Morris” (Feb. 3), a Jim Carrey comedy that drastically underperformed and barely got released because it was a Jim Carrey movie where Jim Carrey has hot gay sex with men. Excellence knows no boundaries, which is why we’re lumping the Will Ferrell comedy “Talladega Nights,” “Charlie’s Angels,” “Teen Witch” and “Full Metal Jacket” in the same sentence.
We haven’t seen “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny” (not to be confused with “Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny”), which was at one point to be released theatrically but will now head straight for your TV on Feb. 26. But Michelle Yeoh, at least, is back, and that’s a great thing.
Movies you rightfully forgot existed
Remember “Johnny English”? What about the Ah-nuld actioner “Collateral Damage”? Do you need both “Scooby Doo” and “Scooby Doo: Monsters Unleashed” to fill the precious hours of your too brief life? If existential dread is not something that plagues you, Netflix has your back. See also: “Armageddon” and “Star Trek V.”
Going, going, gone (in a few days)
A life where you can’t randomly dial up Billy Bob Thornton cuss-yelling at a pestering mother and her tiny child with a mouthful of shopping mall salad is not one worth living, which is why we’re sad there’s less than a week to catch “Bad Santa.” Ditto “The Hurt Locker,” “Terms of Endearment,” “The Terminator,” “The Naked Gun” and, oh, why not, “Blue Crush.”