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Caitlyn Jenner would like you to know sex with Kris Jenner was adequate

Nothing more, nothing less.
Caitlyn Jenner Moschino
Caitlyn Jenner. Photo: Getty Images

Caitlyn Jenner is answering all the questions nobody ever asked about her sex life in a new memoir, “The Secrets of My Life.” They can’t well be secrets if she’s writing about them, but I digress.

The 67-year-old specifically would like to talk about the adequate sexual relations she shared with ex-wife Kris Jenner, and also their not at all torrid love affair. “We fall in love quickly (we marry after seven months,” she writes, according to Page Six. “Since — let’s not kid ourselves — everyone wants to know, Kris and I have good and frequent sex at the beginning.” Okay Caitlyn listen. A) Nobody wanted to know, nobody was asking, stop acting like we were begging you for the sordid details of your late night smoosh sessions with Kris Jenner. And B) Good and frequent doesn’t really sound like something one brags about. It's clinical. Devoid of passion. Nobody is going around looking for, or asking for “good and frequent sex.” 

The former Olympian also notes that their sexual relations were “imbued with love,” but she wasn’t entirely comfortable with the act.

Jenner came out as transgender in April 2015 and made her public debut as Caitlyn on the cover of Vanity Fair several months later. According to Us Weekly, she doesn’t plan to ever have sex with women again. “Of the most important thing in my life, sex is beyond the bottom; it has been that way for a long time.” Yeah boo, that is clear. “A future female companion? Yes, I do think about that. A future female sex companion? Not happening, at least for now, and perhaps not ever.” She has reportedly started to consider the idea of having sex with men since her gender reassignment surgery in January.

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So, in summary, Caitlyn Jenner and Kris Jenner had good and frequent sex at least once. They have two children, Kendall, 21, and Kylie, 19, so that means they probably had standard sex at least one other time. In conclusion, Caitlyn and Kris probably had sex twice throughout their marriage. Those sexy times produced a model who starred in a tone-deaf, culturally insensitive ad; and a young possible sociopath with an affinity for pouring neon yellow highlighters over her head.

So yeah, if I was Caitlynn Jenner, I’d be wary of sex too. 

 
 
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